Every year I make a list of goals I want to accomplish, and I go throughout the year trying to check each one off of my list as I finish them. Some years I give up and decide not to do any at all just because the idea of checking things off a list is too much pressure in this already over-demanding world. And now it's January first again, and I'm pondering what things I want to accomplish, to complete, to finish. But this year I had a different perspective.

I firmly believe that the purpose of life is to be happy and to seek happiness when you aren't happy. Not just avoid pain or discomfort but to actively strive for happiness and to experience as much of it as possible in the short time we have here. So I've been pondering, as I often do, about what makes me happy, and that's when I came back to my thoughts about my traditional list of new year's resolutions.

If the goal of the list is to check things off of the list, to be finished and done with them, and one of the goals is happiness, then what happens when you achieve happiness? Do you check it off the list and stop pursuing it because you've completed that task? I think some people do that. "I will be happy when I do this or that." And they accomplish those tasks, and they are happy for awhile, but then what? They go back to being generally unsatisfied, longing for something more, and generally miserable. I don't want to be one of those people.

So I'm not going to check things off of any giant list of important things I want to do this year. Instead of making a list of things I want to complete, I'm making a list of things that I will enjoy and continue to enjoy more, and I am promising myself that I will focus more on the process of doing what I love to do rather than the results.

Results are never good enough for me anyhow. When I'm finished with anything, I always look at what I've accomplished so critically, noting every flaw and every need for improvement, and insulting myself for not doing better. And in the end, I find myself hating myself and dreading the next project because I know the results won't be any better. But I think I'm done with that way of looking at things, and I've learned this mostly by watching my kids.

My kids will spend hours doing things that don't result in anything productive other than having fun. I'm trying to learn how to do that again without feeling terribly guilty. What frightens me, though, is that I've noticed my kids are starting to focus on results rather than processes lately. They'll spend hours doing something they enjoy only to have the entire experience leave them in tears when the results aren't as good as they had hoped them to be. And worst of all, they seem to forget about how fun the process was in the first place and simply judge the day as good or bad based on a few minutes of disappointing results rather than hours of joyful process. They are starting to avoid giving themselves credit for learning new things unless they have something, some symbol, to show that they have acquired new knowledge or skills. They agonize over winning and losing rather than the joy of playing a game. And the more time that they spend in school and organizations and with competitive friends, the more I see this happening. I don't want them to go through life like that, not like I did, always feeling like a failure even with a long list of successful accomplishments and gold stars because you're not in first place or the outcome of your efforts wasn't perfect. And the only way I can teach them the importance of enjoying the process of living rather than focusing on results accomplishing tasks is to live my life with such an outlook as well.

So my resolutions for 2010 (and beyond) are to enjoy life, enjoy the things that help me enjoy life more (such as improving my physical and mental health and financial stability), and to help the people I care about enjoy their lives.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, Goals

I woke up, booted up my computer, and started my morning "read the news feed as I drink my tea" routine. Today, I noticed two articles that caught my attention. (I won't be sourcing either because I don't like to point fingers when I criticize something.)

The first article was about the importance of opposite-sex friendships. These friendships do not include sexual acts. They usually provide a source of perspective that isn't common among people of the same sex, fulfill emotional roles that may not be available in same-sex friendships, allow open communication without competition, and can be just as emotionally bonding as same-sex friendships.

The second article was about the problems emotional infidelity (adultery without the act of sex). This article suggested that having a non-sexual relationship with somebody who is a member of the opposite sex and involves providing emotional support, companionship, discussing feelings, discussing romantic relationships, and feeling love for each other is cheating. The author, who appears to be a therapist, suggests that opposite-sex relationships should be treated as adultery.

I think both articles make good points, but they both neglect a key component: sexual attraction. The emotional infidelity article completely failed to recognize that it is possible to have an opposite-sex friendship that functions in ways similar to same-sex friendships (as noted in the first article) without there being a sexual attraction. Meanwhile, the first article, promoting opposite-sex friendships, failed to recognize that sexual attraction is possible in those friendships even if it isn't acted upon.

I am female. I have many friends who are male, and I'm not sexually attracted to any of them, but according to article number two, I shouldn't be friends with these wonderful people because we have different body parts.

I also have a friend who is dealing with a husband who quite obviously isn't being faithful and uses the "she's just a friend" excuse. According to article one, my friend should try to embrace the friendship between her cheating husband and his inappropriately affectionate female buddy whom he is obviously sexually attracted to.

I've read other articles that suggest you simply shouldn't be friends with somebody of the opposite sex if you are sexually attracted to them or feel that you may one day become sexually attracted to them if you are also already in a romantic relationship.

Hmmm...

I can understand the idea that if you are sexually attracted to somebody, and you're already in a romantic relationship, that you should avoid temptation. But does that mean you should completely isolate yourself from anyone whom you find attractive? I've known many guys whom I initially found attractive (it's the reason my female brain decided to talk to them in the first place). Some of them I met while I was dating other guys, whom I never intended to cheat on. After getting to know these attractive guys better, I realized that I wasn't actually sexually interested in them at all, but I did like them very much. Some of them are now some of my most important friends, and I have zero desire to be in a physical relationship with any of them.

I can also understand the concern of "What if I start off not being sexually attracted to somebody and eventually become attracted to them?" Why put yourself in a position of possible future temptation and complication? But if I used that kind of logic, I wouldn't be able to have a deep conversation with anyone of the opposite-sex, not even a male physician or psychologist to discuss my personal problems, because I might one day find them attractive. If I can never have a deep conversation with a man while I'm in a romantic relationship, then how am I supposed to get a non-biased male perspective about my romantic relationship?

And here's an entirely different possibility: what if you current relationship doesn't last forever? When I met my husband, I was dating a friend of his. The friend actually introduced us. I initially thought that my future-husband was an attractive man, but I certainly had no plans to cheat, and I never did. I set that attraction aside and became his friend. (He also says that he had no sexual attraction toward me.) My romantic relationship eventually ended because we were just way too different (had nothing to do with the new mutual friend/my future husband), but I still had my new friendship with this wonderful man to help me through. He was even very helpful in giving me an honest male perspective about other men I had briefly dated after the failed relationship, and I gave him the female perspective about the women he was interested in. Eventually, and unexpectedly, our non-sexual friendship became romantic. We've been together ever since, and I think that our strong non-sexual friendship prior to our romantic relationship is the foundation that has made our marriage so successful.

My husband continues to have close friendships with other women. I continue to have close friendships with other men. Neither of us are cheating on each other.

Honestly, I don't care if he's sexually attracted to any of his female friends. I trust that he won't take it any feelings of attraction further than "hey, she's cute," and I'm OK with that. I hope he feels the same way about my friendships with men.

And then there are the "what if" thoughts people ask me about. What if I dropped dead tomorrow and one of his female friends ends up becoming a romantic interest in his life? What if they became the new step-mom to my children? What if? What if? Well, I'm fine with that. I hope his next romantic partner is somebody whom he is friends with and feels connected to. I want him to be happy. Besides, I like his female friends. I think each of them would make a fine step-mother. So that doesn't bother me. In fact, it makes me feel comforted to know that he has good taste in women (if I may say so myself).

So back to the articles. Article 1: Can men and women be friends and not have sex? Yes! Article 2: Even if they're attracted to each other, can they be friends without cheating on their romantic partner? Yes!

So what's the real question people should be asking about the male-female friend while in a romantic relationship debate? I don't think it's about sexual attraction. I don't think it's about emotional connections and deep conversations. I don't even think it's about flirting. I think it's about trust. Do you trust your partner? Do you trust that they aren't going to become sexually involved with other people? Do you trust that they will properly prioritize their time and energy to put the romantic relationship first without neglecting their platonic friendship? Do you trust that they will keep all of their relationships (family, friends, coworkers, romantic, etc.) in a healthy balance?

Or are you scared that they'll leave you behind? (And that's a whole different issue.)

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

The more I talk to people who are mentally unbalanced or have unhealthy beliefs, the more I find religion at the heart of it. Honestly, I think that the majority of the unhealthy beliefs that contributed to the anxiety and depression I suffered through for years were rooted in religious ideas that were taught to me when I was a kid and practiced by my family and friends.

It wasn't until I grew up, let go of all of it, and became agnostic that I suddenly was able to realize how absurd it all was. I feel like I see things with so much more clarity. I'm happy now. I'm mentally healthy now.

But there's a problem. The people I grew up with, the people I love, still have those old beliefs which I now find absurd. It's not easy to keep talking to them. They constantly tell me about their interpretations of normal events as if they were somehow supernatural, and they have supernatural explanations for everything. Science is ignored. They all tell me I'm crazy for not believing in these ideas and warn me that I'm going to fall victim to demons or be sent to hell. They beg me to "just have faith." But I do have faith. I have faith in logic and science and my own sense of what's real and what isn't real. But that's not enough for them. They want me to believe in the mythology I had been fed for so many years. Ideas like these:

• Special people can read your thoughts.
  
  When I was growing up, I was repeatedly told that I shouldn't have bad thoughts because God knew what I was thinking and would punish me for thinking bad things. I was also told that my dead loved ones would know what I was thinking, and they would be ashamed of me if I thought bad things. Then I was told that some people had been given the ability to read minds, a gift from God, and that you would never know who was one of these Saint-like people were. They could be the guy sitting next to you, your best friend, your neighbor, anyone, and you wouldn't know it.
  
  I grew up being afraid to think freely, afraid of my own thoughts. It wasn't until I stopped believing such teachings that I was able to have a thought without feeling guilty or ashamed.
  
  
• God, angels, and spirits of the dead speak to you in signs.
  
  I was told that the supernatural world doesn't speak to you directly. Instead they try to send you messages with signs. The signs could be anywhere or anything. I was told that we were being sent signs all the time, little things we look at every day but ignore. When I was growing up I became concerned that everything was trying to tell me something. I was told that if you had a problem, you could just pray, turn on the TV or open a book, and *poof* God would give you a sign to help you solve your problem. A common question among people around me was, "What do you think it means?"
  
  When I stopped believing such ideas, I stopped asking "what do you think it means?" It doesn't mean anything. It is what it is. Appreciate it for itself.
  
  The picture fell off the wall because the nail that held it up slipped out because the material around the nail hole slowly eroded away. The picture fell off the wall. That's all it means. It doesn't mean that somebody is going to die. It doesn't mean that evil spirits want to attack that person. It just fell. Hang it back up.
  
  
• God, demons, angels, etc. can make you think and do things.
  
  I was taught that at any time I could lose control of my ability to think for myself. I'd become possessed or tricked into making mistakes. If I let myself get tricked or possessed, it was because I didn't have enough faith in God, and God would be angry with me for not having faith. Mistakes were not just mistakes, not just a lack of knowledge or experience. Mistakes were evil, and if I made a mistake, then I was evil.
  
  No wonder I became a perfectionist.
  
  
• Your thoughts can make things happen.
  
  I was taught that if you thought about something, then that something would happen. It was like making a wish or saying a prayer. God would answer it by doing it. If you thought about getting hit by a car, then you'd get hit by a car. It's easy to say that's not true, but I see it in our culture all the time. For example, The Secret, is a book all about how whatever you think about will happen. They call it the law of attraction and act as if it's mystical. It's not.
  
  If you never think about brushing your teeth, then you won't brush your teeth, so yes, thought is required to make something happen. But just thinking about brushing my teeth doesn't get my teeth clean. Likewise, thinking about killing somebody doesn't make you a murderer.

I've even noticed the power of belief creating hallucinations in the people I talk to. Did you smell that? Did you see that? Did you hear that? Did you feel that? Sometimes one person would say they sensed something, and suddenly everyone else would start claiming they sensed it too. The power of suggestion.

I'm raising my kids as agnostics, free thinkers, and giving them the chance to decide what they want to believe, but I'm doing my best to ensure that science and logic are sought before religion when trying to answer questions, determine causes, or find solutions. I'm amazed by how healthy they are, how different they are compared to how I was when I was their age, compared to how my family members and friends were when they were their age. My children don't have the anxiety. They aren't constantly afraid or ashamed. They believe they can do anything. They aren't afraid of the dark. They don't blame their problems on the devil or punishment by God. They take responsibility for their actions. And they're happy.

Maybe mental health problems need a little less focus on healing symptoms and a little more focus on healing the roots of problems. Maybe we need detox and rehab centers for people who were raised with absurd, unhealthy religious beliefs.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, Health, The Quest for Happiness

But the sanctity of marriage! I get so tired of hearing people talk about the sanctity of traditional marriage. I repeatedly go into the history of marraige (it's all about property and power) to explain that there was nothing truly sacred about it from a traditional standpoint. (Well, it was about as sacred as a bank account, anyhow.) I think that the sanctity of marriage should be determined by the individuals in the marriage, not by some group of people whose knowledge of traditions only goes back to the 1950's. So today I read this, and it brought a tear of happiness to my eye. At last, a quick, well written summary of marriage through the ages, and a reminder that conservatives are really just stuck in the 50's (along with segregation, communism paranoia, the immediate insertion of the word "God" into every government symbol, ...). http://www.psychologytoday.com/rss/pto-20050506-000006.html

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, Things that Annoy Me

Be prepared to look like an idiot. If you spend your whole life trying to avoid making a fool of yourself... 1) You're not going to have much fun. 2) You're never going to accomplish anything because you'll be too worried about making mistakes. 3) You'll be more likely to do the wrong thing because it pleases the masses rather than doing the right thing, which may piss a few people off. I say, if you're going to do something that will make you look like an idiot, do it flamboyantly, do it publicly, make money off of it if you can, and learn to laugh at yourself. (After all, nothing makes you laugh harder than laughing at yourself.)

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, The Quest for Happiness

Did you ever stop to think about the great leaders throughout history? Not just political leaders but leaders in art, science, social values, etc.: Gandhi, Moses, Jesus, Buddha, Lincoln, the Beetles, Elvis, Da Vinci, George Lucas, Stephen Spielberg, Martin Luther King Jr., Gloria Steinem, Harriet Tubman, Eleanore Roosevelt, Nelson Mandella, etc. What made them great? What made them revolutionary? What was the one common thread that each of them shared in the tapestry of life?

They weren't afraid to rock the boat, go against the flow, change direction at a moment's notice, and try something different. They didn't do these things just for the sake of being rebellious. They did these things because they believed that they are following the right path and stood up for what they believed in.

Sometimes you need to conform, so you can accomplish a goal that you couldn't do by yourself. Children conform to fit into their families because they can't feed or care for themselves without their parent's help. Conforming to laws, such as "don't murder people" and "don't steal things," is necessary to ensure that everybody feels a bit more secure without having to spend your life in a fortress like the Forbidden City. And conforming to the "everybody line up at the grocery checkout line" rule just makes good, logical, problem-solving sense to ensure everybody gets an equal chance to purchase the products they want to buy. Teamwork can get a big job done in the easiest and happiest way possible for everyone. But teamwork is only a beneficial tool when them team goals contribute to the individual goals of every team member. Without meeting the goals of the individual, you simply create a society of masters who are drunk with power and slaves who are paralyzed with fear. But in modern society, we don't like to use the words slave or subservient, so people in this system call them team-members, but a technically more accurate name to call them would be conformists.

Conformists are easy to manage. That's why many managers give rewards for conforming. Do what everybody else is doing. Follow the rules. Don't question authority. Do what you're told, and do it when I tell you to do it. If you don't conform, there will be punishment, everything from social clique rejections to witchcraft convictions and getting burned alive. Dictators, totalitarian governments, and cult leaders demand that everybody be a conformist, so they can stay in control. The people in power stay in power. The people at the bottom stay at the bottom. And no matter how flawed the system is, everything stays perfectly "the way we've always done it" under the codename tradition.

The great leaders of history recognize this problem. They challenge conformity, knowing that they will likely be rejected and punished.

I worry that we are teaching our children that there is more value in being a conformist than a leader. We take away their ability to make decisions for themselves, we don't allow them the freedom to lead their own activities, and we even ban them from embracing their own talents and ideas because they don't conform with what the masters want to see. We tell them what they should be good at and which of their accomplishments don't matter. We tell them to ignore their intuition, ignore their physical or emotional needs, ignore that little voice in your head that tells you to question what you are being told, and just do whatever the adults in authority tell them to do because it's easier for the adults to manage them.

What about creativity? What about embracing natural curiosity? What about thinking for yourself? What about exploring (true exploring, not just being told what to explore)? What about trying new things, making mistakes, learning from mistakes, and growing? Why are we force feeding meaningless trivia into our kids' heads? Why are we forcing them to perfect meaningless tasks? Why are we crushing their ability to decide what kind of life and future they want for themselves? What do we tell kids to dream big and squash them as soon as they do it?

So then I was wondering around on the Internet with these questions and worries in my mind today, and I stumbled upon a video that inspired me in the past and still does today. It's from the amazing TED Talks (now those should be required curriculum). It renewed my hope, something I truly needed right about now.
Sir Ken Robinson http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/66

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

If you spend your life trying to lift yourself up to the grand status of standing on the peak of a mountain of importance, then you are dooming yourself to fall to your your death. Even if you succeed in reaching the top there are only two possible outcomes. In the first, somebody just as great as you will climb up and push you off. In the second, the world will forget about you, forget that you are standing there with your achievements, and will leave you to grow so weary that you will eventually lose your balance and strength and tumble down. Either way, you end in failure.

Lasting success comes from helping others climb out of the crevasses, so they may enjoy the freedom of roaming on the valley floor and wandering over the foothills.

Focus on how you are treating others and what you are leaving for your children, your grandchildren, and future generations to come, and you will achieve greatness. Focus on building your own legacy, and you will be mocked.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

I always tell my children that no matter what we look like, where we come from, who our family is, or what the world throws at us, we can do anything we set our minds to. We each can become anything we want to be. And today, I'm overjoyed to show them proof.


And now, my children won't have to grow up in the world I grew up in. They won't be told by society that people with dark skin are somehow less valuable or capable than people with light skin. We can have hope for our children's future, for their health care, for their education, for their security, for the environment, for beauty, and for peace for everyone.

A nation is not just a group of people who live within the same borders; it's a family, a community. The community starts in our houses, stretches out our front doors through our neighborhoods, expands across the continents, and envelops the world. And with technology, the boundaries of our community grow larger every day. Gone are the days of thinking that we only need to focus on the the people in our own houses. Gone are the days of us vs. them. Gone are the days of selfishness and greed. I welcome the days when each individual in the nation will reach out to his or her fellow citizens in the same way that we each reach out to our loved ones and help them when they are in need and lift them up to fulfill their potential. That is the only way that we can prosper and succeed to create the type of lives we want. By helping others achieve greatness, we become great ourselves. By helping other achieve success, we find our own success.

And at last, the people who understand the importance of this community, and recognize how vast our community has expanded with technology, are finally going to lead our community. I can only imagine that it will lead to greater things.

Labels: Activism, Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

When I was growing up, whenever somebody used the phrase "make something of yourself," it usually implied "make money." The more money you made, the more of something you were, the more valuable you were as a person.

Lately with the economy in such a state of chaos, I'm surprised by how many people on television are distraught because they won't be able to continue to live in a big house or can't buy designer clothes for their kids. True, we all want to live comfortably, but do we really need to measure our happiness or security based on how much stuff we can afford or how many trips we can take by flying first class?

Honestly, there are only two things that really matter.

The first is what we crave when we are born: Do I feel loved? It's a hunger that we carry with us throughout our entire lives.

The second is what we crave when we die: Have I made others feel loved? In human terms, it's a question of whether or not we've lived a good life, that we've been a good person, somebody who will be remembered fondly.

I admit that the economy has put me at unease, and I sometimes catch myself feeling guilty because I haven't had my name somewhere in the Fortune 1000 list, and it's always a possibility that ends will get harder to meet, but as soon as I ask myself the two important questions of life (Do I feel loved, and have I made others feel loved?), an expansive wave of peace rushes over me, and I remember that dollar signs are not signs of love.

If you want to feel as though you've truly made something of yourself, you need to love others, and you need to show that love openly.

So perhaps that is the question that I need to direct my life, to make something of myself: What can I do to show my love for others today?

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

There's no shame in saying, "I was wrong before, but I know better now."

You can change your position, your platform, your goals, your identity, your affiliations, and even your founding beliefs about the very nature of your own life. Growing from your mistakes is a perfect place for pride.

Shame belongs to the stubborn people who refuse to change their minds even in the face of overwhelming evidence to support that they are wrong. Stubbornness doesn't make you look strong, and it certainly doesn't make you right. It just makes you look foolish.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, The Quest for Happiness

I've been listening a lot to The Secret, A New Earth, and a bunch of other mainstream "revolutionary" ideas for happiness (most of which are recycled from ancient philosophies, but I digress). I figured that I should at least give them the respect of knowing what they're all about. Mostly what I have found is that so many people who have discovered "the way to be happy" fail to discuss the importance of suffering.

If we were blissfully happy all the time, we would never feel motivated to progress. We'd be so happy just where we are that we wouldn't want to be anywhere else. We would never venture to discover new things, explore new places, or create anything.

We need dissatisfaction. We need it to push us forward. We need boredom to motivate us to do something. We need to use that criticizing left side of our brain (not the right sided bliss) to think about the world, to solve problems, to know the limits we must put on ourselves, and to generate new ideas. Dissatisfaction and suffering is the reason why our species has evolved to where we are today and why you're even able to read this at all.

I don't want to be like a flower, just sitting there and blissfully waiting for the sun and the rain to nourish it, unaware of the cow that's about to eat it. I want to worry.

I want to know my problems, so I can figure out ways to avoid them. I want to be prepared for natural disasters and household accidents. I want to do everything I can to protect my children and help them grow, to increase my lifespan, to share my life with my husband, and to crawl out of my suffering even stronger and wiser than before.

And then, and only then, can I truly appreciate my moments of bliss, the moments when I get to meditate or embrace the present or laugh. It is the fear of suffering that pushes us to stand up and work and compels us to appreciate the rewards for our efforts.

Every person who has done something amazing has done it by fearing suffering and longing for pleasure, not by sitting blissfully like a flower all the time. Suffering leads us to success.

I embrace suffering with gratitude. I don't say, "Why me?" I say, "Wow, this sucks! This is horrendous. I need to figure out a way to keep this from ever happening to me again. I need to help other people avoid this. Lucky me that I learned from this and survived, so I can do something about it."

How lucky I am to have suffered. How lucky I am to be wiser because of my suffering. How lucky I am to appreciate everything more because I have suffered in its absence (real or imaginary).

Suffering is a gift.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, The Quest for Happiness

I get tired of hearing people say that luck determines how good your life is. There is a bit of luck to it, but luck only goes so far. You also need to make intelligent decisions, too.

I was lucky enough to be born in the United States. I was lucky enough to be raised in a house with a television set that tuned into PBS when PBS started showing Sesame Street, and I was lucky that my parents plopped me down in front of that set when Sesame Street was on. I was also lucky enough to be able to watch The Price is Right and figure out that the college kids on that show seemed like the kind of people I wanted to be. (But I was intelligent enough to decide that if I wanted to be like those happy college students, I'd have to go to college, and I was also able to figure out that learning stuff, such as the stuff they taught on Sesame Street, would allow me to get to college.) I was lucky enough to watch 3-2-1 Contact, which planted the seed of my passion for science. (But I was intelligent enough to decide that science would be a good thing to learn in college.)

I was lucky enough to have a free education, and the government required that I attend even when I didn't want to go to school. I was lucky enough to have parents that made me go no matter how much I cried about it. (But I was intelligent enough to realize that if I had to be there, then I had to do my best while I was there.) I was lucky enough to be exposed to people, like teachers and friends, who inspired me to do something great with my life. (But I was intelligent enough to decide to actually follow the advice of those who were happy and successful and avoid the advice of those who were obviously going down the wrong path.)

I'm lucky that I met my husband. (But I was intelligent enough to decide to date him and to recognize what a perfect guy he is and to learn and apply relationship skills, so I wouldn't lose him.)

I'm lucky that I was able to have children. I'm lucky that they didn't have autism or downs syndrome or some other similar disorder. (But I was intelligent enough to study child development and parenting skills, so I could be the best parent I could be and help them be the best kids they can be, even if other parents and teachers think that I'm a paranoid, overprotective mother.)

I'm lucky that I haven't had some horrible accident or illness that disabled me from my writing passion, my computer passion, or my designing-stuff passion. (But I was intelligent enough to make an effort to improve my skills and figure out how to make money from them.)

Luck says, "Here's an opportunity." Wisdom says, "Thanks, I'll take it."

I get tired of hearing so many people complain about their bad luck when time after time, luck has presented opportunities to them. They just weren't wise enough to take them.

But then again, maybe those of us with the wisdom to seize opportunities are simply lucky enough to be wise. We were lucky enough to make that connection in our brain, "A+B really does = C." Maybe we were lucky enough to have somebody tell us that A+B=C, or maybe we were just lucky enough to figure it out on our own.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

I'm tired of being asked, "Where do you go for spiritual guidance? How do you know what to believe? What do you do when you have a problem and need to pray for help?" by people who don't understand what it means to be agnostic. Whenever you say, "I just figure things out myself," they just don't seem to get it. Oh, how could anybody actually come up with their own practical solutions to life's problems without a book or some illogically thinking guru or mythological story to guide them?

I'm tired of trying to explain it, so I'm starting my own congregation, and every time somebody who doesn't understand the concept of thinking for yourself asks me these inane questions, I'm just going to say that I belong to the PHOFQ. (I haven't figured out how to pronounce it yet.)

We'll all wear little question marks on our necklaces and t-shirts that say "What would a-free-thinking-intelligent-person-who-isn't-brainwashed-or-insane do?"

We'll go door to door distributing free copies of "The Origin of Species," telling people to be nice to each other just because it's a nice thing to do and smarter than doing something that will get you shot, and handing out pamphlets titled "I Don't Know" with subheadings like "Maybe, Maybe Not" and "Who Knows."

We'll sing uplifting songs, like the classic "We Wish There Were Psychiatrists in Ancient History" and "Why Would a God Needs an Army?" and the ever popular, "Heaven is a Place on Earth" by Belinda Carlisle.

We'll go on a holy trek once a year to any place of our choice (because if God created the Earth, then every inch of it is holy, even the toilet; I'm making a holy trek to my couch, right now).

We'll be friends with everyone (because if God created people, then every person is a chosen person).

At least once day per week, we'll take a day off (because we're freakin' tired).

Several times per year, we'll celebrate something (because parties are fun and remind us that life is nice; yesterday I celebrated the glory of bean-dip and munster cheese with my children and danced around with my cat).

Now if only I could convince other agnostic persons that sending me mountains of money will make them have better lives.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy

We tend to think of ourselves as superior to other animals, so my question is: what makes us so much better? What do we do that is more advanced than other species?

Build? Termites build structures that dwarf our skyscrapers when you compare them scale-wise. They even invented air conditioning.

Emotions? I don't know if worms have emotions, but I'm certain that dogs and cats do.

Art? Watch a few documentaries about different animals' homes or mating rituals and it's obvious that we aren't the only ones with ideas about what looks nice, which dance is seductive, and what music motivates us.

The ability to think about thinking? Studies have shown that many primates have the ability to reflect on their brains' learning processes.

The ability to dominate other species? We can only do that when we are in large groups. Even a colony of ants can kill a single human.

Perhaps what makes us different is our belief in spirituality. We imagine something more because we can't, for some reason, appreciate things as they are. We keep searching for meaning to everything. We keep trying to achieve a sense of wholeness.

Do other animals believe in spirituality? Do dolphins invent gods? Do frogs wonder if they're insignificant? Do parrots daydream about heaven?

Does believing in spirituality make us better, though? Many religious individuals seem to think so, but I don't. I think we are no better than any other conscious organisms. Nature can easily wipe us out the way we hire pest control services to wipe out colonies of termites. A lion can easily choose to kill a human the way we choose to kill a cow; nothing personal, just lunch time. I don't think we're better, just fortunate for now.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy