I hate being sick. It must be the flu, part 2.

I've had hardly any sleep on top of it because my kids are sick too. They seem to get worse at night, so I've been lucky to get 3 hours of sleep per night.

We're all coughing, sneezing, sniffling, managing fevers (100 - 104.8 F), soothing sore throats, slathering our noses with Vicks Baby Rub (hey, I like it better than the traditional Vapor Rub), drinking gallons of hot tea and cold juice, taking hot baths to relax sore muscles, staring off into space, and groaning.

I honestly don't even have the mental ability right now to write anything for Kristen's Guide. I wanted to do a big to-do for Earth Day, but I'm having a hard enough time just trying to write this entry. It has taken 15 minutes just to get this far. (And thank you for inventing spell check.) An entire KG article would take all day, and then it would probably still sound incoherent.

Hey, at least being sick, tired, and mentally useless has let me catch up on my neighborhood cat watching. There's a new gray and black one with a cut off tail. Poor thing.

On another note...

A couple days ago, a woman came to my door asking for help. She was trying to get away from her angry, physically aggressive boyfriend. He's the kind of guy who is already living with a woman whom he has a two-year-old daughter with while dating this other girl on the side. I wouldn't be surprised if there were even other girls in the scene, and they're all probably getting physically pushed around and abused as well. Nice guy.

So we took her in, locked the doors, and called 911. Meanwhile in my brain, I ran through multiple scenarios of what I would do if he showed up at the door, if he tried to get in the house, if he tried to hurt anyone, etc. I decided that I could use colored pencils to poke his eyes out if I had to. Fortunately the guy never did come to my house. The kids thought it was cool to have uniformed police officers in our living room. And on the TV, Oprah was asking the question, what would you do if you saw a woman getting abused by her boyfriend? (I already knew the answer.) The police thanked me for helping the woman out. They said that most people don't want to get involved. (I patted myself on the back as well.) She managed to find somebody to come pick her up, and then she went home.

I hope she stopped seeing that quality guy. She seemed like the pretty and smart type who has no self confidence or self esteem. She could easily find somebody better if she just stopped settling for less. It's a typical story.

Standards, women! Standards! Deciding to stick to a set list of standards was the best thing I ever did for my life. It convinced me to say good-bye to guy after guy until I met my husband. My husband is the best man in the world, at least to me, because he has exceeded every standard on my list.

Labels: My Life

One of my biggest dreams while growing up was to be famous for writing. As I entered adulthood, I realized that I wanted to write for children. I wanted to help and teach children through entertainment. I realized how difficult it would be to make a living at writing, so I also studied to become an elementary school teacher, so I can help, teach, and entertain kids one class at a time. Then I had kids and realized that the best way to help my kids (and their kids, and their kids, and so forth) as well as their friends was to focus on being a great parent and raising great kids (plus I get to be the neighborhood mom-on-call for all the neighborhood kids), so I set my teaching and entertaining dreams aside and stayed home to be super-mom. It was the best decision I've ever made, and I'm eternally grateful to my husband (also a great parent) for helping me do it.

I started writing non-fiction for adults to satisfy my teaching urges, and I entertain kids wherever I go. One of my favorite things to do is draw pictures and make up stories about them with my babies. I've decided to start putting some of those pictures and stories on a website, Corla Kids (still in its very early stages), that I'm designing for my kids and their friends, so they can see them and print out activity sheets and games even when I'm not available to tell stories and draw pictures. (This project is one of the reasons I haven't been writing or designing much elsewhere.)

As I've been working on this new website for my kids, my dreams have grown even bigger. I'm not happy with just writing or drawing pictures. I'd really like to create little movies and video games too. So I've been spending the last few weeks studying animation and cinema. (Video games will be later.)

In my house, we're giant fans of Sesame Street, the Muppets, Sunnypatch Friends, Todd World, Dora and Diego, Sponge Bob, Dexter, and the Robinsons. I've been mesmerized by how children's entertainment impacts generations and gradually changes the world.

The arts, stories, pictures, sounds, and movements, are powerful tools for making the world a better place. Nothing inspires us or makes us think the way that the arts do.

So right now, I may not be able to travel to Uganda to save the children or replant the rain forest tree by tree, but from my home, while still tending to my job as super-mom, with the resources that I have, I can still do something to help children. I can even help animals along the way without having to adopt every single creature at the animal shelter, and I can help the environment without moving into a hut in the middle of the woods. I can spread the word and inspire change. I can teach kids how they can make a difference now and even more when they get older. I can raise money to support people working in the fields and on the front lines. I can help kids laugh and escape the stresses of the world for awhile. I can do something, anything, other than sighing about how difficult life can be and wishing somebody would do something to fix the biggest problems.

And, unlike with Kristen's Guide, I don't have to do it alone. I can join forces with all sorts of story tellers, musicians, scientists, historians, teachers, visual artists, programmers, etc. Lots of them are within my reach, and with them the weight of the project doesn't just rest on my shoulders.

Honestly, I've never before been so excited about doing a project. Even if my children and their friends are the only fans of Corla Kids, it has still been one of my greatest ideas.

Labels: Activism

I'm tired of having horrible movies playing in my head constantly. I'm having a hard time making them stop lately. I'm starting a new wave of therapy.

On the positive side, there's nothing to make you appreciate life like watching your loved ones die several dozen times per day within unwanted mental movies.

The stress of it all is exhausting. I can't sleep. When I do sleep I have nightmares. When I'm awake, I have intrusive thoughts. I just constantly feel tense and nervous. Every noise or unexpected movement makes me jump. I'm trying everything I can to relax, but the more I relax, the more I seem to have those horrible thoughts. It's better to just keep my mind busy all the time, so I've been spending lots of time learning stuff and solving problems, the more complex the better.

And, of course, there's the compulsions. I've been working on those lately with CBT. The CBT isn't as effective for the intrusive thoughts though.

I refuse to go back on medication. I'm convinced I can manage it with psychological counseling, diet, and exercise. I just wish I could relax, just for an hour or two. I'm so tired.

Labels: My Life

Awhile ago I loaned $25 to a family in Tajikistan, so they could expand their family food selling business (goods sitting on tables under a canopy on the side of a dirt road). They've paid me back, so I'm taking that same $25 and loaning it out again.

Today I loaned that $25 to a woman in Mexico who started a mechanic / clothing store business to help feed her family. She needs the money to buy supplies and move the tiny business to a better location (where she is now doesn't have much traffic).

She still needs $100 more. Want to help?

Labels: Activism