Did you know...

that if you suddenly start saying everything as if you were singing in a Broadway show, your kids will laugh for a little while, but eventually they'll just talk to you as if it's perfectly normal to act that way.

(I can't wait until they become teenagers and start inviting their cool friends over.)

Labels: Funny Families Kids and Parenthood

I've been reading lots of debates lately about whether or not it is ethical to write sponsored reviews on a blog.

I'll be honest with you, I post sponsored reviews on this very blog. You can tell if it's a sponsored review because the very first words in it are "Sponsored Review" and it's categorized under "Sponsored Reviews."

Is it wrong to post sponsored reviews?

Well, let's think about this as if we were talking about TV. Let's say you have a TV show.

If your TV show consisted of 100% sponsored reviews, it would be called an infomercial. Let's face it, the only people who watch infomercials are people who are up at 3am, dont' have access to the Internet, and don't have anything else to watch. With limited entertainment options and little energy to do anything productive, they resort to wasting 30 minutes of their lives while watching the amazing wonders of a mop being sold in a 2-for-1 deal for the low, low price of $19.99 (a $1 million value, I'm sure).

People don't Tivo infomercials. Likewise, people won't subscribe to a blog that is 100% paid reviews.

If, on the other hand, your TV show consists of 90% good, quality content and 10% sponsored reviews (AKA commercials), people probably wouldn't have a problem setting their DVR to record that show every time it comes on as long as they feel confident that the show will have something good for them to watch.

So rule #1: Make sure you have at least 80% - 90% good, quality content if you're going to post sponsored reviews.

Now let's say that you're flipping channels on the TV, and you come across a TV show where they tell you all about the latest and greatest computer products. "Awesome," you say. "I'll have to watch this show all the time, so I'll be up to date on all the latest and best products." So you loyally watch the show, and when they tell you that the coolest thing around is a thing-a-ma-bob that turns your computer into an interdimensional portal that will take you a real planet that looks a lot like Endor. So you go right out and buy one of those things only to have it fall apart no less than 3 minutes after taking it out of the box. Either that awesome TV show has terrible reviewers or they're getting paid to recommend products that they haven't actually tested. It wouldn't take long for you to decide that you weren't going to watch that show anymore.

Likewise, if you're going to review a product or service, be honest. If you haven't actually tried a product or service, tell them. If it's a paid review, tell them. If the product wasn't that great, tell them. Don't assume that your readers are so stupid that they won't figure out that you're lying to them. That's disrespectful toward them, they'll eventually figure it out, and they won't stay loyal readers for long.

So rule #2: Be honest.

And rule #3: Announce that it's a sponsored review.

Don't you hate it when you're watching a show (especially a show like SNL, which I love) and a commercial comes on that seem like it's part of the show, so you sit there and watch the commercial waiting for the bit to get to the punch line only to discover at the end that there is no punchline, that it was indeed a commercial, and you just wasted 2 minutes of your life watching an ad about the latest erectile dysfunction medication for grandparents who want to get it on. They could have at least been kind enough to say, "We'll be right back," or "And now a word from our sponsor," or at least put up a transition screen that makes it obvious that the next thing they're going to show is a commercial. This way, if you want to see the commercial, you can watch it (hey, some commercials are pretty funny or informative and are worth watching; they're the only reasons why I watch the Super Bowl), and if you don't want to watch it, you can skip it or go to the kitchen to get a snack.

So make sure that you let people know, "Hey, this is a sponsored review," not at the end, not in the middle, but at the beginning of your post.

So remember the rules:

#1: Make sure you have at least 80% - 90% good, quality content if you're going to post sponsored reviews.

#2: Be honest.

#3: Announce that it's a sponsored review.

And now you can sleep at night with your integrity intact (and still make a few extra buck).

Labels: Blogging and Websites

Kristen's Guide won an award today!

It's the "My blog isn't a clusterf**** and yours is award" from Chungyen Chang at An Unsuspecting Notebook. The award is given to sites that aren't annoyingly filled with widgets and gadgets and fluff.

Thank you! Thank you, all. (Sniffle, sniffle.)

Labels: Blogging and Websites

The other day, I was at my kids' school. I was acting ultra silly, being far noisier than the school staff preferred, and entertaining the kids (who were very bored while waiting in line). The kids in line were laughing and enjoying the show, kids walking off to music class or lunch were giggling, and the occasional adult would stare or smile.

Then one of the other parents pointed out that I should probably stop because I was attracting too much attention.

"That's OK," I said, and I continued acting like a clown.

"Well, everybody's looking at you," they said.

I looked up. They were right. Everybody was looking at me. EVERYBODY. Even a dozen parents, teachers, and staff who were flashing less-than-happy looks. I'm assuming it was because my one-woman show was getting the kids excited. (Lots of people seem to get annoyed when kids aren't quiet and obedient. That drives me nuts at a schools. School should be fun.)

"I don't care," I replied. And I really didn't.

That's when I had one of those moments when you step outside of yourself, your body and brain just continue the behavior on auto-pilot, and you see yourself from a new perspective.

"Well, well, Ms. Kristen," I said to myself. "You certainly have lost your social anxieties."

This small moment was actually a big deal for me. I had spent so many years of my life being afraid to act myself or draw attention because I was convinced that when you stand out, you open yourself up to criticism. And I was deathly afraid of criticism. And rejection was the worst thing that I could think of. I was quite the introvert while growing up because of this. And it made me miserable. I had always looked at people who shined in the spotlight and wondered why they were allowed to do it, but I couldn't. Why were they so comfortable with themselves, but I had to try to conform to how everybody else wanted me to act?

But that was a long time ago, and I'm certainly not shy anymore. It's easy to be the center of attention when people respond well to your actions, but even with those dozen peers openly showing their irritation about my behavior, I didn't mind the spotlight. I just didn't care what they thought.

My goal was to entertain a bunch of bored kids, to make their lives a bit happier, to give them something to laugh at rather than let them stare at the floor. And I succeeded.

My target audience was pleased with my performance. Who cares what everybody else thinks.

Labels: My Life

My husband was talking to another male about how women freak out over stupid things, whine about "you're going without me?," and spend way too much money on things that are "such a good deal from the half-off clearance bin."

Of course, I gave him THE LOOK!

That's when he said the sweetest thing ever: "Oh Honey, not you. You don't do that stuff. You're like half man or something."

Be still my fluttering heart.
:-)

Labels: Love Relationships and Marriage

Sponsored Review

Spock.com - the best people search on the Web

So today I learned about a new people-finding site, Spock.com. Basically, you type in what you're searching for and it scans the Internet for people who meet your criteria. I've seen services like this before, but most of those services just search through directories (e.g. phone books, who-is, etc.). But, this service looks through websites, social networks, blogs, and so forth and is specifically focused on finding people. It's certainly more efficient than trying to Google somebody.

When I searched for myself, my social networking profiles popped up along with my web sites and blogs. That didn't surprise me, but I was surprised by the way all the information and photos from those sources were so nicely organized on one page. To be honest, it was a bit scary to see that much information about me in one location, but it was all information that I voluntarily made public, so I'm not too worried about it.

Here's one of my nifty spock.com widgets:



Then I started looking for some of my friends, and, sure enough, everybody was on there. From now on, whenever I need to look up somebody, I think I'll be heading to Spock first. And if Elvis is still alive and uses the Internet, Spock will find him.

Another neat feature is that you have the opportunity to tag other people's profiles. For example, if you know that your third-cousin (whom you don't like very much) is a repeated drunk driver, you can tag his profile with "drunk driver" and warn the world about his bad habit. Likewise, you can search through tags that other people have posted. For example, if you want to search for people in your area who are tagged as "drunk drivers," you can do a search for that. And to entertain yourself you can look through an overall list of drunk drivers and point fingers at everyone. (Is it obvious that I don't like drunk driving?)

If you don't like the tags that other people put on your profile, then you can flag it and contest it.

I also had quite a bit of fun looking through their top searches. I'm pretty sure their "Top Searches" isn't listed in order of popularity since it's all alphabetical, but the list gives you a good idea of what people are searching for, and it's a fun way to kill some time.

Happy people hunting!

Labels: Sponsored Reviews

OK, so I don't really make $200K/year from blogging, but it made you look.

My point...

Lots of blogs get top ranking just by saying they make a bunch of money from blogging. But then you check out their blog because you also want to earn that much money from blogging, and part of you thinks that maybe if you study their blog you can tap into some hidden secret, but the secret you typically discover is that it's all hype and no heart. I would bet that most of those bloggers are lying about their income, at least at first. As long as they keep up the hype, and as long as people buy into it, their readership increases until finally they actually do make a truckload of money.

It reminds me of those late night informercials with people telling you that they makes thousands of dollars while they sleep and you can too if you send them a couple hundred bucks. Well, sure enough, after a few hundred suckers buy into it, the guy actually is making thousands of dollars while he sleeps. But if you want to do that too, then you've got to become a con artist yourself. Sneaky bastards.

So yeah. Yeah I make $200k/year blogging. Sure. Subscribe to my feed and every week I'll send you one paragraph of my book that shows you how you can do it too. (Did I mention that each paragraph is only two sentences long.) Oh, and if send me $1000, I'll tell you all of my money making secrets right now.

Labels: Blogging and Websites

I'm always watching and reading biographies. Some people like biographies because they enjoy the gossip. I like biographies because I want to learn how ordinary people do extraordinary things.

So yesterday I saw a biography about Ub Iwerks, The Hand Behind the Mouse: The Ub Iwerks Story . I had never heard of him before, but it turns out that without him, the Disney corporation would have been just another little cartoon studio, and Walt Disney would have been just another cartoon studio manager.

Ub Iwerks is the creator of Mickey Mouse. (I always thought it was Walt Disney because the Disney company keeps saying that Walt created Mickey, but it turns out that Disney was just the manager.)

And all those "Wow!" techniques that Disney pioneered... Iwerks was behind them.

Iwerks was the inventor of many movie techniques still used today. He animated the first cartoon with sound, Steamboat Willie and the first color cartoon, Flowers and Trees. He was the first person to mix animation with live actors (and today, almost every movie in the theater and film on YouTube contains some special effect that requires mixing animation, now done on computers, with real people). He invented the multiplane camera (for making amazing perspective animation). He invented the Wet Gate process for transferring 16mm film images to 35mm film. He used Xerox machines to copy drawings to cells to reduce production time. He invented the special effect that allows one person to play two different characters in a movie and have both characters appear on screen at the same time (e.g. The Parent Trap). He created the camera to make forced-perspective shots. He created the projection technique to make those statues sing in the Haunted Mansion. He was involved somehow in nearly every attraction at Disneyland. He invented Circarama (later called Circle Vision). Ub Iwerks was the Benjamin Franklin of the animation and special effects industry.

He also worked with non-Disney studios, including MGM and Warner Bros. He created Flip the Frog. He worked on Hitchcock's the Birds. He was even the mentor of some of the greatest animators, like Chuck Jones and Grim Natwick.

So why didn't I learn about him sooner? Why don't they have a museum at Disneyland dedicated to Ub the way they do for Walt? Was Disney so egotistical that he wouldn't give proper credit to the man who made him the Walt Disney?

I used to always think of Disney as an inspiring, creative artist, but after learning about Ub, I decided to do a bit more research on Disney.

Walt Disney was a producer, a businessman, a manager, and a commercial genius. While Iwerks created art with cartoon drawings, Disney made an art form out of business. He wanted to conquer the entertainment industry, and he did. He created an animation company. He hired the best creative people. He diversified (a key to success in any area of life). He expanded into television shows, amusement shows, live theater shows, lunch boxes, pencils, etc. His marketing strategies and business methods were brilliant.

For me, the partnership between Iwerks and Disney shows how popularity and profits require superb creativity as well as a deep understanding of people and consumerism. The greatest artist in the world will likely go unknown without a good marketing team, and the greatest entrepreneur in the world won't make a penny without good creative team. I know so many artists who fear going commercial because they think it will stifles their creativity, and I know so many intelligent business people who refuse to work with "eccentric artistic types" because they don't care enough about the profit margin. Funny.

Funny how the success we often seek requires us to embrace the very things we rebel against.

Labels: Inspiring People I Admire

I was just talking to one of the moms at school, and she taught me a new word...

Estivation: It's the opposite of hibernation. Instead of sleeping during the winter, creatures that estivate sleep during the summer.

I admit that the first thing that popped into my head when I heard that word was a scene of everything slowly turning into miniature versions of Emilio Estevez. I almost blurted out my bizarre thought during the conversation (I often blurt things out), but today I stopped myself. I didn't stop myself because I was worried that anyone would think that I was weird (I'm fully aware that I'm weird and deserve a confused look here and there from other people). I stopped myself because I suddenly felt very ashamed that the depth of my mind sometimes only goes as deep as the Breakfast Club. Maybe something in me is still subconsciously trapped in high school.

Now remember, kiddos, you need to use the word estivation in a sentence today because big fancy words make you seem smart.

Here's my sentence...
I wish extremely overweight people who like to wear bikinis in public would estivate during the summer.

Labels: Fancy Words that Make You Seem Smart

At some point you have to step back and recognize that you are responsible for the way you choose to live your life.

Labels: The Quest for Happiness

Life is not made up of years, or months, or weeks, or even days.

Life is made up of hours, minutes, and seconds.

You have not had a bad year or even a bad day. You simply had a bad hour or perhaps a bad minute. Maybe it was only a few bad seconds. Let it go. It was such a short time.

Make your next second better.

Smile. Do something silly. Fulfill a dream (even if all you can do is take the first step in planning that goal). Hug someone. Create something beautiful. Write a nice note. Tip your server 30%. Tell somebody you love them. Do something nice for a stranger. Be the center of attention and enjoy it.

That is how you make the life you want.

Create as many joyful seconds and minutes as possible and let go of the ones that weren't what you wanted. The more you do this, the happier your life will be.

Labels: The Quest for Happiness

1. Be a strong manly lad
   
2. Sit with 2 little girls (make sure you have permission to do this)
3. Read them a story (if it involves princesses and rainbows, you get bonus points)
   
4. Make up silly voices for each character in the story (required!)
   
5. Occasionally shout out, "Oh no! What's going to happen now?" as you read
6. Skip the scary parts or replace them with humorous interpretations of the illustrations
7. Let the kids turn the page
8. Re-read pages as requested
9. Say, "That was a good story," after the story is over.
10. Then tell fart jokes to inspire giggles.
    

Labels: Funny Families Kids and Parenthood

Why are most toilets made out of porcelain?

I'm not able to Google the answer, and I'm sure at least one of my brilliant readers must have a guess.

Labels: Entertaining Myself

Scientology has absolutely nothing to do with actual science. (No duh.)

Science requires use of the scientific method: observation, forming a hypothesis, testing the hypothesis under controlled conditions to find out if it is accurate and stands up to attempts to disprove it, observing the results, and forming a conclusion (i.e. modifying the hypothesis based on the results of the test). If a hypothesis is correct, then if somebody were to test it again, the results would end up the same, thus supporting the hypothesis and eventually resulting in a "theory."

Scientology doesn't do any of this. So how is it that they feel they can themselves members of the science community?

Fancy words! (My hypothesis that people will think you're smarter if you use fancy words now stands supported.)

Scientology uses lots of books that have fancy words in them, and we all know that if a book has fancy words in it, it MUST be right! In fact, their words are so fancy, that you have to buy a special Scientology dictionary just to figure out what they mean. They use fancy words used by people who already have reputations for being smart. But they also make up their own fancy words. Brilliant!!!

(Then they get celebrities to join and talk about how it changed their life, but if you want to learn about it, it's going to cost you $. You have to pay for books, study-at-home-courses, classes, etc. And if you have to pay lots of money for it, then, of course, it must really really REALLY work! But that's another post.)

So let us pay homage to Scientology's brilliant use of fancy words to manipulate the masses and convince people to give their life savings to an organization that doesn't even show up in the Charity Navigator directory by using one of their very own made-up fancy words:

Enturbulation: a state of disruption and agitation
(You can also use it as a verb "enturbulate" or an adjective "enturbulated").

Example: My stomach has been seriously enturbulated since I drank that bad java. Let's never buy that coffee again.

Use it in a sentence today and watch your perceived IQ grow.

Labels: Fancy Words that Make You Seem Smart

So let's get this straight...

You left your baby alone, for 10 minutes, in a freezing cold car, on a freezing cold day, in a busy parking lot that is NOT monitored by surveillance cameras and nobody seems to be paying attention (except for the big strange guy), next to a big strange guy who was alone in a truck and had been watching other people's children go in and out of the building for an hour.

Your baby could have choked on that cracker it found under it's leg (the one you had forgotten about). Your baby could have been kidnapped. Your baby could have died of hypothermia (it was damn cold). Your baby could have woken up, realized that it was alone in a strange place, and started crying in fear. Why?

So you could walk across the parking lot, go into a cafe, wait in line for 10 minutes, and buy... an orange juice.

Well that's all perfectly understandable. If you had brought your little bundle of joy into the cafe with you, you might have fumbled and spilled some of your orange juice. That would have been a tragedy. Like, if you spill your orange juice, you'd have to go back into the cafe and, like, buy another cup.

Besides, you can always make a new baby if something happens to the old one.

Labels: Things that Annoy Me

I've figured out the secret to smart people... they use fancy words (i.e. that other people don't typically use). So all you have to do is use fancy words here and there, and people will think you're brilliant.

OK, everybody! Here's your challenge:

Use the word "pollinosis" in a sentence today. (It's a fancy word for "hay fever".)

Here's the rules:

1. You have to use it in the presence of somebody else
2. Using it in online conversation (or in the comments of this post) counts

The more people who hear/read your sentence the smarter you will seem to others.

Oh! And I think I'll be making this a regular feature, so be sure to subscribe to the feed (via RSS or email), so you can keep up the charade (that's a fancy word for "faking people out").

Labels: Fancy Words that Make You Seem Smart

The more I watch documentaries about art and artists, the more I have become annoyed with critics. Any person who earns a living as an art critic is a sore on the lip of society.

Art is an expression of a person's views of life. It is an outward presentation of inner thoughts. A carefree child creates carefree finger-paintings. A perfectionist tries to create art that perfectly resembles what he sees or hears or feels. An emotional person creates art that displays her emotion, not necessarily the subject. An opinionated activist creates art that makes a statement. Whether they went to art school or only just learned to pick up a crayon, their works are artistic, and the quality of their works is always superb because it reflects what they wanted to express at the time that they created it. How can such excellence be criticized?

If you're going to criticize art, then you might as well criticize the way the person looks, the tonal quality of their voice, and the experiences they've endured. Criticizing art is the equivalent of saying, "I think your nose is too big, and you are flawed for that." "I think your voice is too scratchy, and you should be ashamed of yourself for it." "I think the abuse you suffered makes you a nobody who is trying to con everyone into thinking that you are a somebody." It's disturbing to see such behavior on the playground, but seeing it among adults is sickening.

Listening to an art critic is just as disgusting because essentially the critic is saying, "You're expression of yourself is wrong, so you as a being is wrong and don't deserve recognition or praise." Anyone respected as an art critic will get no respect from me. As far as I'm concerned, the art critic is a over-glorified bully.

If you like it, say "I like it!" If you don't, say "It's not my taste." But don't be so arrogant that you feel that you can say that something is or is not art, that a person is or is not a person, or the a life is or is not a life. You have no right to make such judgments.

Labels: Things that Annoy Me

Health is the foundation of everything in your life.

It's hard to enjoy your success if you're dead.

The healthier you are, the more energy you have to do what you love.

The healthier you are, the more you can focus on what makes you happy.

Labels: The Quest for Happiness

I'm not quite sure why, but I have this "gee I wish I'd win something" mood lately. I even submitted an entry to Publisher's Clearing House (nope, didn't buy any magazine or as-seen-on-tv junk).

Maybe they've been playing casino commercials on the radio (I listen to the radio as I fall asleep). Or perhaps I've been a victim of a subliminal marketing ploy by the state lotto. I'm sure they're putting gambling-enhancing drugs in the tap water.

Labels: Entertaining Myself

Sponsored Review

There's a new parenting and pregnancy resource in town, Gurgle.com http://www.gurgle.com.

Everyone knows I'm an eco-saving-hippie, so whenever I look at a new site, I always pay special attention to anything that stresses being green. The first thing noticed on Gurgle was an article about green parenting. (Woo hoo! They've already made me a fan.)

The article stressed a personal love of mine... washable diapers. When it was just me, my husband, and my first child, washable diapers weren't a big deal. I had enough time to wash my babies dirty nappies. But after my second child was born, I admit that I wasn't as loyal. I just didn't have the energy to keep up with all the cleaning. Looking back, I wash I had used a diaper service. (It wouldn't have cost much more than buying disposables.)

The article went on talk about another one of my passions, recycling kids' clothes. I honestly don't understand why parents insist on buying a giant closet-full of new brand-name clothes for their babies. Babies would honestly prefer to be in cute pajamas all day, and they'll probably just spit up all over those. Older kids are just going to go out and play in the mud. I can't even begin to tell you the number of times I've watched parents freak out because their kid is getting their new designer jeans filthy. They're kids! What did you expect them to do? Yes, it's nice to have those cute outfits for our kids, but there's just no need to spend so much money on an entire wardrobe. Get your kids' clothes as hand-me-downs or buy them at a thrift store. It makes sense financially, but it's also good environmentally. Why? Because some people actually take those perfectly good but somewhat used clothes and throw them in the trash! (It just drives me nuts to think of all the poor kids who could wear them.) After they leave the trash can, they often head to the landfill (and that is very un-eco-friendly).

Another Gurgle.com article that caught my eye was about sibling rivalry. I have a 3-year-old and a 5-year-old. Up to now, the sibling rivalry revolved around arguments such as "mine! no mine!" Now, they're starting to get more complex. "She didn't say sorry!" "She said my picture was ugly." "She says I'm doing it wrong." I spend at least 20% of my day trying to teach my kids how to respect each other's differences.

The Gurgle article suggested that having kids 2 or 4 years apart caused the greatest amount of sibling rivalry and that gaps of 5 or more years reduces sibling rivalry. That's not the first time that I've heard this. I learned that back in college. But what the article forgot to point out was that children who are born with larger gaps also tend to have relationships that aren't very close. I've seen studies, but I've also seen this to be true among myself and my friends. We all tend to have closer relationships with siblings who are closer in age. Yes, we also remember having more sibling rivalry when we were growing up, but it's mostly a source of jokes now, and for some of us the taunting and fighting taught us how to handle more threatening situations (such as bullies). Overall, I think the benefits of a close relationship by far outweighs the drawbacks of sibling rivalry.

Now, here's the thing I would highly recommend for all of my friends who are expecting a baby and for anybody who ever plans to take care of a baby (that means you 12-year-old babysitters). The videos!

Gurgle.com has a bunch of videos that explained basic things, like cleaning your babies teeth. The kids just don't quite get that up-down-left-right thing with the toothbrush, and you just haven't lived until you've wrestled a 9-month-old during a tooth brushing session. They even have videos about how to change a diaper, how to feed with a bottle, how to breastfeed, etc. I wish I had those when my kids were babies.

Labels: Sponsored Reviews

"Success" is achieving the ability to respect yourself, laugh, understand, appreciate, create, have pride in your actions, and live by your own terms.

Money is not success. Money is only a tool to help you achieve success.

Recognition is not success. People recognize failure just as much as they recognize success.

Reputation is not success. Reputation is only a reflection of how other people judge their own lives and has nothing to do with you or your success.

Freedom is not not success. Nobody is ever truly free. We all live within constraints. We must find success within those constraints.

Power is not success. Power over others is simply arrogance in action. A person who feels arrogant enough to exert power over others is not even close to true success because he expends all of his energy trying to stay in power rather than enjoying life.

Submission is not success. Giving up your own desires and will and letting somebody else use you like a puppet, destroys your spirit. There is nothing noble about it.

Love is not success. Love isn't something that you achieve. It is only something that you either feel or don't feel. And whether or not people love is, much like reputation, a reflection of how and why they love themselves.

My success is the ability to respect myself by not letting other people abuse me, to laugh at myself as well as the the people around me and the world itself, to understand the nature of everything (the way physics leads to chemistry, which leads to astronomy, which leads to geology, which leads to biology and evolution, which leads to psychology, which leads to technology, and so forth), to appreciate what I understand as well as what I don't and marvel at the beauty of it all, to create in all forms, to experience that "I did that" feeling no matter what others think of my of what I've done, and to live the way I want to live within the constraints of my reality. I am not rich, powerful, or famous, but I am already successful.

Labels: The Quest for Happiness

I've discovered over the years (and reminded myself today) that when you're faced with one of those people who always seem to be pissed off about something, always in a bad mood, always complaining and grumbling, constantly distant and cold,...

The best thing to do is to act as insanely peppy, cheery, joyful, optimistic, and, of course, just like Richard Simmons. Don't just act happy. Act so happy and energetic that other people just can't help but stare at you as if you've just landed from an alien planet.

Why? Because it makes grumpy people happy. I'm convinced that they love complaining, and this overly-energized, bouncy glee brings joy and meaning to their lives by giving them something new to complain about.

Plus it's fun for you. It's a win-win for everyone.

Labels: Entertaining Myself

...you're walking down your street to your neighbors house, and you're wearing bright, cotton-candy pink pajamas covered with pictures of white fluffy bunnies (an outfit that is certainly less than Vogue) because your kids bought those pajamas for you as a Xmas gift (because they love pink and bunnies are cute). Yup, that's motherhood.

Labels: Funny Families Kids and Parenthood

My kids have discovered a new way to make every song and sentence funny. Just replace random words with the word poop!

Joy to the poop!

Happy poop day to you!

If you're poopy and you know it poop your hands.

Welcome to our poop.

This dinner is poopalicious.

Nice to mee you. How do you poop?

It's hours of entertainment. Try it for yourself.

Labels: Funny Families Kids and Parenthood

A bunch of kids were playing make-believe in my house.

Suddenly I heard:

"OK, who wants to be the leper?!"

Labels: Funny Families Kids and Parenthood

As part of my daily life, I try to hide my faults. I try to dress in a way that covers my bulges of fat. I put foundation on my face to cover up my acne, rosacea, and brown spots of sun damage. I diligently clean the front room of my house, so unexpected guests won't see that I can't always keep up with the household chores.

Two years ago, I took a photo of myself in just my underwear, making no attempt to cover up my flaws. It was part of my attempt to motivate myself to lose weight. It worked. I would look at that photo and cringe. Then I would tell myself, "The only way to change that photo is to exercise, and stop eating desserts all day."

Today I decided to expand that idea.

I went around my house and took photos of all the messes I typically try to hide: mountains of laundry, dirty sinks, unmade beds, piles of stuff, overflowing shelves, etc. And I'm telling myself, "The only way those embarrassing messes will disappear is if I stop procrastinating and clean them."

I took photos of my face without any attempt to put makeup over my facial flaws. "The only way my face will change is if I put on sunscreen every day, lose weight, get laser and IPL treatments, and stick with a healthy diet."

But in the process of documenting my flaws, I realized that they're not so ugly and embarrassing. They are symbols of choice, the remnants of trade-offs.

My home is messy because I have decided to spend more time playing my kids and following my passions than tending to chores.

My face is sun-damaged because I've spent so much time enjoying the outdoors. It is fat because I've been blessed with an abundance of good food, which I have enjoyed as well. The fat is also due to another blessing, the ability to survive without having to engage in hard labor. It is red because instead of spending thousands of dollars to fix it, I paid off credit cards, donated to charities, and bought my children Christmas gifts.

I think I'll spend less time looking at those photos and criticizing myself and more time looking at those photos and congratulating myself for making smart choices.

Labels: My Life

I spend a lot of time analyzing things, judging what's the best quality, what makes life the easiest, etc. Even the majority of my therapy for anxiety is based on cognitive awareness of my own thought processes. In all of my logical reasoning, I had forgotten that sometimes you just need to let go and be creative.

It started with a poem, a bunch of words that kept playing again and again in my head. So I decided to write them down. (Mind you, I hadn't written a line of poetry in years.) I read them the next day and did one of those "wow, that's pretty good; did that come out of me?" moments. So I started writing more poetry. (The forced stuff isn't nearly as good as the stuff that randomly pops up in my head.)

Then I started humming little tunes without even realizing it. It was much like those songs that end up stuck in your head. I realized that the tunes weren't actually anything I had heard before, but they did nicely fit the poems I had been writing. So I played around with turning them into songs. I'm not so sure the songs are very good, but they made me feel better.

In this creative process I began to wonder if other forms of art would help me feel better. I took up knitting again. I got out my sketch book and started doodling. And then I whipped out the paints and brushes and started some painting sessions (which I hadn't done since high school). I doubt any of my visual art our crafts would qualify as respectable art, but that doesn't matter because it seemed to open up parts of my brain that had been locked up. Plus, seeing the works that I had finished brought a smile to my face.

Eventually, I found myself feeling more opened up, more relaxed, and even just happier, all because I tapped into my creative side.

So for all of you who think that arts, crafts, music, and literature are a waste of time just because you don't expect to ever get famous or make money by doing them, think of it as cheap therapy instead. It's amazing what a little art can do to bring a smile to your face.

Labels: My Life

Sponsored Review

So I love sending homemade gifts to people, but I admit that now I have kids, I don't have as much time as I used to. I'm starting to switch to buying gift baskets instead.

I'm also an organic-loving tree-hugger, so I love anything made with organic ingredients, organic flowers, etc. Unfortunately, it's hard to find gift baskets that contain organic products.

Recently I discovered that http://www.1800flowers.com, that company that sells flowers, offers organic gifts, and I was thrilled. They had the traditional flowers, all organic. They had the fruit and nut boxes. They even had a bunch of gourmet cheeses for the cheese platter (and boy do we love cheese). I really loved their organic snack basket. It has lots of yummy munchies (e.g. pretzels, tea, cookies, etc.). I thought that would be an awesome gift for that friend who's getting ready for a road trip (they could even use the basket to hold all their souvenirs).

Yes, their organic products are a bit more expensive than the conventional products, but I like to think of it as an investment in the environment and health of children (since they are most susceptible to pollution from agriculture). For me, that extra cost of paying for organic stuff is just like donating money to an environmental organization.

The least expensive delivery fee for any of the people I would have shipped stuff to was just under $11, but honestly that's about as much as I would pay if I had driven to the post office and shipped it myself, so it's worth it by my calculations.

I'm sure I'll be using them the next time I want to send an organic gift basket and don't have the time to put one together myself.

Labels: Sponsored Reviews