I decided to organize some of the emails I had been collecting and randomly clicked on one. Turned out it was an email from my dad (who died from pancreatic cancer 5 years ago). The email was about my grandfather who had a stroke and was about to die (9 years ago). My father talked about the last time he had worked with my grandpa in his workshop not too long before, an activity he loved to do with his dad. It was heartbreaking to read the sorrow that my father was going through, mostly because it's the same sorrow I went through when he died. I hate the thought of my children going through that same grief when my husband and I go.

The part that really tore me up was that he went on about how my grandfather and my dad had a conversation about me, in which my grandfather said he was planning on coming to my wedding and was very proud that I was in college and had chosen a career that would help people. For some reason, I don't remember reading that part before, although I know I must have, so it was like reading it for the first time. And then that immediately brought back the memory of dancing with my dad at my wedding and how during that dance he told me how proud he was of me for everything I was doing in my life. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. Funny how no matter what we do, we're always trying to get the approval of our parents somehow.

I wonder if they knew how much I admired them, how much they inspired me, and how proud I am of them.

So my morning of trying to be productive and getting things in order physically has just turned into a morning of trying to get things in order emotionally. That always happens when I least expect it.

Labels: Inspiring People I Admire, My Life