Every year I make a list of goals I want to accomplish, and I go throughout the year trying to check each one off of my list as I finish them. Some years I give up and decide not to do any at all just because the idea of checking things off a list is too much pressure in this already over-demanding world. And now it's January first again, and I'm pondering what things I want to accomplish, to complete, to finish. But this year I had a different perspective.

I firmly believe that the purpose of life is to be happy and to seek happiness when you aren't happy. Not just avoid pain or discomfort but to actively strive for happiness and to experience as much of it as possible in the short time we have here. So I've been pondering, as I often do, about what makes me happy, and that's when I came back to my thoughts about my traditional list of new year's resolutions.

If the goal of the list is to check things off of the list, to be finished and done with them, and one of the goals is happiness, then what happens when you achieve happiness? Do you check it off the list and stop pursuing it because you've completed that task? I think some people do that. "I will be happy when I do this or that." And they accomplish those tasks, and they are happy for awhile, but then what? They go back to being generally unsatisfied, longing for something more, and generally miserable. I don't want to be one of those people.

So I'm not going to check things off of any giant list of important things I want to do this year. Instead of making a list of things I want to complete, I'm making a list of things that I will enjoy and continue to enjoy more, and I am promising myself that I will focus more on the process of doing what I love to do rather than the results.

Results are never good enough for me anyhow. When I'm finished with anything, I always look at what I've accomplished so critically, noting every flaw and every need for improvement, and insulting myself for not doing better. And in the end, I find myself hating myself and dreading the next project because I know the results won't be any better. But I think I'm done with that way of looking at things, and I've learned this mostly by watching my kids.

My kids will spend hours doing things that don't result in anything productive other than having fun. I'm trying to learn how to do that again without feeling terribly guilty. What frightens me, though, is that I've noticed my kids are starting to focus on results rather than processes lately. They'll spend hours doing something they enjoy only to have the entire experience leave them in tears when the results aren't as good as they had hoped them to be. And worst of all, they seem to forget about how fun the process was in the first place and simply judge the day as good or bad based on a few minutes of disappointing results rather than hours of joyful process. They are starting to avoid giving themselves credit for learning new things unless they have something, some symbol, to show that they have acquired new knowledge or skills. They agonize over winning and losing rather than the joy of playing a game. And the more time that they spend in school and organizations and with competitive friends, the more I see this happening. I don't want them to go through life like that, not like I did, always feeling like a failure even with a long list of successful accomplishments and gold stars because you're not in first place or the outcome of your efforts wasn't perfect. And the only way I can teach them the importance of enjoying the process of living rather than focusing on results accomplishing tasks is to live my life with such an outlook as well.

So my resolutions for 2010 (and beyond) are to enjoy life, enjoy the things that help me enjoy life more (such as improving my physical and mental health and financial stability), and to help the people I care about enjoy their lives.

Labels: Deep Thoughts and Philosophy, Goals