My daughter had her checkup yesterday, and I was talking to our pediatrician (nice guy, good doc) about the HPV vaccine, which I am all for (had it myself). He recommended she get it before the age of 14 to make sure that she has it before she becomes sexually active. I thought 14 was actually too late.

OK, so I admit that my gut feeling is "not my kid" when it comes to things like that, but I'm not naive enough to assume that my kids won't be sexually active at some point as teenagers. The question is-- when?

So I was having some discussions with people and repeatedly heard that because the average age for somebody to lose their virginity is 17, you don't need to worry about it when your kids are still playing with kid toys. (The age is based on some sources but not others, I'm just going to go with 17 since that was the widely held belief of the people I spoke to). I also heard some people say that it was impossible for pre-teens to have sex because their bodies weren't developed enough.

Well, let my ranting begin.

• That average age, 17, is the average, meaning some people start later (like 30), and some people start EARLIER (like 12).
• That average age is the average age for vaginal intercourse. That does not include things like oral sex, anal sex, and other sexual activities that can spread STDs. (This is based on some of the studies I've read. And, by the way, the conclusive average age in those studies varied. Some said 16, some said 18. Etc.)
• When I was in junior high (7th grade, 12 years old; 8th grade 13 years old), kids were performing sexual acts on each other. I don't just mean that they said "Yeah, I did it." I mean I actually saw my peers engaged in sexual acts. I even saw them do this at school, with adults nearby. Sometimes on the basketball court. Sometimes on the bus. Sometimes behind buildings. Etc.
• By the time I was in high school, I had quite a few friends who already had kids of their own. One of my friends already had 2 kids by the time she was 14.
• None of the parents thought that their kids were having sex.
  

If some kids (not all kids, but some) are starting to engage in sexual activities at 12, then you need to reach them before 12. You need to make sure that they understand what sex is, how it works, what consequences there are, etc. They need good information, not myths from their friends. They need to know that sexual feelings are normal and are going to happen. They also need to know how to deal with those feelings; ignoring them doesn't always work. Knowing how to pleasure themselves is an empowering way to deal with urges, and, other than the possibility of developing a UTI (mostly for females), it's the safest physical sexual act they can perform. I'm not suggesting you give a demonstration or anything, but let them know it's perfectly acceptable for them to take care of business on their own. (All those old "It'll make you go blind" lies are a thing of the past.) And make sure they have access to things like condoms. It's not a license to drive; it's a seatbelt.

Labels: Health, Things that Annoy Me