As part of my daily life, I try to hide my faults. I try to dress in a way that covers my bulges of fat. I put foundation on my face to cover up my acne, rosacea, and brown spots of sun damage. I diligently clean the front room of my house, so unexpected guests won't see that I can't always keep up with the household chores.

Two years ago, I took a photo of myself in just my underwear, making no attempt to cover up my flaws. It was part of my attempt to motivate myself to lose weight. It worked. I would look at that photo and cringe. Then I would tell myself, "The only way to change that photo is to exercise, and stop eating desserts all day."

Today I decided to expand that idea.

I went around my house and took photos of all the messes I typically try to hide: mountains of laundry, dirty sinks, unmade beds, piles of stuff, overflowing shelves, etc. And I'm telling myself, "The only way those embarrassing messes will disappear is if I stop procrastinating and clean them."

I took photos of my face without any attempt to put makeup over my facial flaws. "The only way my face will change is if I put on sunscreen every day, lose weight, get laser and IPL treatments, and stick with a healthy diet."

But in the process of documenting my flaws, I realized that they're not so ugly and embarrassing. They are symbols of choice, the remnants of trade-offs.

My home is messy because I have decided to spend more time playing my kids and following my passions than tending to chores.

My face is sun-damaged because I've spent so much time enjoying the outdoors. It is fat because I've been blessed with an abundance of good food, which I have enjoyed as well. The fat is also due to another blessing, the ability to survive without having to engage in hard labor. It is red because instead of spending thousands of dollars to fix it, I paid off credit cards, donated to charities, and bought my children Christmas gifts.

I think I'll spend less time looking at those photos and criticizing myself and more time looking at those photos and congratulating myself for making smart choices.

Labels: My Life