Kristen's Written Ramblings: My Online Journal
Friday, December 7, 2007
It's not suffering; it's a growing experience
When I look back over my life, my greatest times of growth have been immediately after my greatest times of suffering.
2007 was a hard year, but I must pat myself on the back for handling it so well. It was the first year that I had to fully test my new skills as a person with healthy boundaries and self-respect. (You never know if you really are able to handle anything until you are actually required to handle things you never imagined you'd need to handle.) I think I've done well considering the circumstances. (It helps that I have a supportive husband and a therapist.)
I still had anxiety and depression to deal with, but I dealt with it better than I ever have before. I didn't start binge eating. I didn't do anything to hurt myself. I didn't take my pain out on other people. I didn't sit around wondering, "why me?" I didn't blame others for how I felt. Right away, I knew that I had to get to the root of the problem, and I tackled it head on. I said "here's what's wrong," "this is how I feel about it," "this is my healthy boundary," and "this is what I will do if you cross that healthy boundary." I cried when I felt like I needed to cry. I wrote angry letters and journal entries when I needed to get the anger out. I was honest about my feelings. I was honest about what caused those feelings without seeking revenge or trying to cause pain. And I didn't just pretend that there wasn't a problem. I accepted that there are things that I can't control, and that sometimes I have to wait for somebody else to do their part themselves (I can't do it for them). I've grieved over lost dreams and accepted reality. Meanwhile, I made an effort to not neglect the blessings in my life right now: my children, my husband, my pet, my home, my privileges, and my own abilities to heal myself.
So now I'm looking at what's next. I don't want to get stuck in the stage of "just getting over the suffering." I've already done that part, and now I need to start moving forward and tweaking the plan as I go.
Things are getting better. Things always get better.
- Life is good
- Uh oh, suddenly life isn't good.
- Will life ever by good again?
- I'm going to make it good again.
- Grow... grow... grow...
- Life is good.
- And the cycle continues...
2007 was a hard year, but I must pat myself on the back for handling it so well. It was the first year that I had to fully test my new skills as a person with healthy boundaries and self-respect. (You never know if you really are able to handle anything until you are actually required to handle things you never imagined you'd need to handle.) I think I've done well considering the circumstances. (It helps that I have a supportive husband and a therapist.)
I still had anxiety and depression to deal with, but I dealt with it better than I ever have before. I didn't start binge eating. I didn't do anything to hurt myself. I didn't take my pain out on other people. I didn't sit around wondering, "why me?" I didn't blame others for how I felt. Right away, I knew that I had to get to the root of the problem, and I tackled it head on. I said "here's what's wrong," "this is how I feel about it," "this is my healthy boundary," and "this is what I will do if you cross that healthy boundary." I cried when I felt like I needed to cry. I wrote angry letters and journal entries when I needed to get the anger out. I was honest about my feelings. I was honest about what caused those feelings without seeking revenge or trying to cause pain. And I didn't just pretend that there wasn't a problem. I accepted that there are things that I can't control, and that sometimes I have to wait for somebody else to do their part themselves (I can't do it for them). I've grieved over lost dreams and accepted reality. Meanwhile, I made an effort to not neglect the blessings in my life right now: my children, my husband, my pet, my home, my privileges, and my own abilities to heal myself.
So now I'm looking at what's next. I don't want to get stuck in the stage of "just getting over the suffering." I've already done that part, and now I need to start moving forward and tweaking the plan as I go.
Things are getting better. Things always get better.
Labels: My Life
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