OK, so I'm still browsing through the CBN website. (I'm procrastinating. I'm supposed to be cleaning toilets right now.)

Let's talk about their article: "Ten Biblical Rules for a Happy Marriage"

My problem with the article isn't actually what they say. (My husband and I already do many of the things they suggest, and we have a great marriage.) But they suggest that everybody, regardless of circumstances, should follow their Biblical rules, no matter what, and I know quite a few couples who absolutely shouldn't take their advice.

Here's what annoys me:

"Never bring up mistakes of the past."

Yeah, like when you caught him with that hooker last night. It's in the past. Forget about it.

"Neglect the whole world rather than each other."

Don't talk to your friends. Don't take care of your kids. Don't go to work. Don't have a life of your own. Just sit around staring at each other all day.

"Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled."

So if your husband is beating you, make sure you apologize to him for being angry about it before you go to sleep.

"At least once a day, try to say something complimentary to your spouse."

Ummm, if you have to "try" to say something complimentary to your spouse, then you've got bigger issues to deal with. Especially if you can't think of anything complimentary or you have a disability that makes it impossible for you to communicate.

"Never meet without an affectionate welcome."

Wow, so if your spouse storms in the door, yelling and screaming, and demanding his dinner because, dammit, it's 6pm, then you should drop everything, run over to him, and give him a giant kiss. Forget about your dignity.

"'For richer or poorer' -rejoice in every moment that God has given you together."

Especially when you find out that your husband is actually a con artist who stole all your money, defrauded your employer, and cheated lots of poor people out of their last pennies. It's just money, right?

"If you have a choice between making yourself or your mate look good, choose your mate."

I swear officer, he never hits me. I just like beating myself with a baseball bat.

"If they're breathing, your mate will eventually offend you. Learn to forgive."

The Biblical passage they use to support this statement says that no matter how many times somebody rebukes you, you should forgive them and continue the relationship. Ummmm, no. I'm afraid I have too much self-respect for that.

"Don't use faith, the Bible, or God as a hammer."

I agree with that. A Bible makes a terrible hammer, and God is way too busy. Faith alone is useless, but have faith in an actual hammer, and it'll get the job done.

"Let love be your guidepost."

So you should let love guide you. But if you realize that you don't love your spouse anymore or your love turns toward somebody else... well then, of course, that's when you would ignore love because divorce is bad, and adultery is even worse, so don't even think about being with anybody else ever again.

Labels: Things that Annoy Me