Feeling Better When I Miss My Friends
Content Written/Updated on April 26, 2007
My aunt and her 2 children who are 11 and 8 live in California and they always come to my house winter break and in the summer. Every time they leave I am really really upset. I try sending them letters but that doesn't make me feel any better. School is starting in a few days and I feel lonely because they aren't here anymore. I don't know how to get to feeling better.
--Katy
Separation is certainly a difficult thing. I think humans are simply pre-programmed to dislike separation because we evolved as social creatures who need each other to survive. Separation is even more difficult when the people we separate from are people we love and get along with.
Writing letters to your cousins can help you feel more connected to them, but it's difficult to overcome loneliness by waiting for letters and email to arrive. I can't say exactly how to instantly help you feel better, but I can tell you what I often do.
Whenever I say good-bye to somebody I care about, I usually spend quite a bit of time crying. I admit, I cry a lot about a lot of things, but I hate the way I feel when I cry. I hate feeling miserable. Life is too short to waste time feeling miserable. I would much rather spend my life feeling happy, so I do things to cheer myself up. Maybe you can try it to see if it works for you too.
At first, I don't feel like pretending to be happy, so I just keep myself busy. I start a new project or learn a new skill. I've learned most of my skills for cooking, baking, knitting, sewing, crocheting, writing, genealogy, computer programming, and art because I was trying to keep my mind off of being lonely or sad. When I was in school, I spent extra time on my favorite subjects (I'm not in school anymore, but I still like learning about my favorite subjects). Sometimes, I'll volunteer at an organization to help people. After working on my new project for awhile, I start to feel a little better, but I usually still feel a bit down, so I start the next phase of my cheering up process.
I do things that make me laugh. I mostly watch comedy shows, but sometimes it just isn't enough. Then I call friends who make me laugh. It's always easier to laugh with friends. Sometimes, my friends and I will watch the same comedy show on television at the same time while we're on the phone, so we can laugh together. If I can, I try to spend time with my friends. If I'm in a new place where I don't know anybody, I try to find somebody to talk to about things we might have in common. (In school, I often talked to other students about our classes, homework, extra curricular activities, etc.) Sometimes the new person and I get along, but if we don't, that's OK too. I just try to find another person to talk to, and I keep doing that until I find somebody whom I enjoy talking with.
Before I know it, I've learned a bunch of stuff, accomplished a lot of goals, and spent lots of time laughing with old and new friends. Plus, by then, I usually don't feel depressed and lonely anymore.
Soon, it's time to see the person I had to say good-bye to in the first place, and that's something I always look forward to doing.
I hope you start feeling better soon. If you just can't seem to get yourself feeling better, be sure to talk to your parents, teachers, or counselors because they might have a few suggestions to help you.