In the Beginning...
Updated on November 24, 2007
Date: 1 January 2005
Height: 5 ft 2 in (157.48 cm)
Weight: 200 lbs.
Chest: 44 in
Waist: 40.5 in
Hips 48 in
Pant Size: 20
Physical Feelings: Easily tired; Easily out of breath; Difficult to get comfortable; Difficult to fit into airplane and train seats; Difficult to get through turnstiles,
Cause of Weight Gain: Sedentary Lifestyle; No exercise; Portion sizes too large; Too much fat in diet (e.g. cheese, cream, butter, etc.); Too much sugar in diet (e.g. candy, soda, cookies, pastries); Drinking milk to quench thirst (e.g. instead of water or watered down juice); Emotional eating (e.g. eating when angry or bored)
I spent the first year (yes an entire year) dealing with the psychological aspects of the habits that made me fat. Therapy and self help books filled my life for awhile.
Food Psychology: I realized that for me, food was a reward. I deserved to eat those cookies. I had a hard day, and I deserved a bit of a break, a bit of enjoyment, a bit of something that would make me feel good.
Food was also a way to prove to myself that I had control. When I was angry about something, I would eat because I wanted to eat, and nobody had the power to make me stop. Plus, the anger would stress me out, and I would go back to using it as a reward for making it through the stress.
Sometimes I would eat out of guilt. If somebody made food for me, I would eat it. If somebody bought chocolate for me, I would eat it. I felt like if I didn't eat it, it was an insult to the person who gave it to me. Even if they just dropped it off at the front door and left, never to know whether or not I actually ate it, I would eat it out of principle.
Exercise Psychology: I've had asthma since I was 3-years-old, so I was never able to participate in athletics, and when I did I wasn't good at it because I never practiced. Not being good at sports in school is not a good thing because kids make fun of you for it. Instead of being physically competitive, I was intellectually competitive and was very focused on getting good grades.
I'm proud of my intellectual accomplishments, but unfortunately, my intellect and emotional growth aren't the same thing. Even though I had report cards and employee rewards and promotions to brag about, I had miserable self-esteem, pathetic relationship skills, and no motivation to be active. I was a mess with a good GPA and some happy bosses.
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