April 2007, Weight Loss Journal
Updated December 04, 2007
2 April 2007
Weight: 171 (lost 29 lbs.)
BMI: 31.2
So, I lied to myself last week. I said I would focus more on exercise, promised myself to go for my daily walks, decided to not let myself return to emotional eating. I didn't exercise, didn't walk, and spent much of my eating thinking "I deserve to eat this" even when I knew I didn't need to eat seconds or extra snacks. The result: I crept up to 171. I'm missing the days of the 160's.
I've felt so stressed, so tense, so tired. I know what I really need. I need to go for a walk. Instead, I just keep telling myself that if I just sit down with my cup of tea and a good book I'll feel better, but it's not working.
It's not working because it's not what my body needs. It needs exercise. It needs to stretch. It needs realignment through posture.
I need to bundle up, put on my sneakers, charge up my mp3 player, and go for a one hour walk. I just need to do it. I need to stop looking around the house for all the things I need to clean. I need to stop working on my computer. I need to stop finding excuses. I just need to get out there and do it. I know that once I start, I'll want to do it every day.
For now, I'm stuck in procrastination ... later ... tomorrow morning ... after dinner ... tomorrow again. I went back to my old excuses, like if I workout, I'll need to take another shower (and I typically don't have time to do that), I too busy, I'm too tired, or I'm too cold, blah, blah, blah.
I actually feel rather selfish when I go out for my walks. It feels like I'm trying to get away from my husband and kids. It feels like I'm focusing on my vanity when I should be focused on my family, my house, etc. My husband says it's just mom-guilt, the natural guilt that comes with being a mom. Perhaps, he right (he frequently is (see Honey, I put it in writing)).
I have another motivation, though. I'm going to visit my family and friends in November (seven months from now), and I would like to look even less fat than I did when I saw them last December (four months ago). Perhaps getting recognition for my weight loss from people I haven't seen in awhile will prompt me to do more exercise. Peer pressure can be used for good.
So my goal this week, just go for one walk, JUST ONE! If I can get myself to go for one walk, I bet I'll end up doing one more, and maybe another. Then I'll start seeing the numbers on the scale go down. 165 or Bust!
13 April 2007
I did go for a walk last week. It was a much needed break. I started thinking, I should do this again every day; it's so relaxing and uplifting.
Since then, I've been taking care of my kids alone. My husband went on a business trip, and it's times like these that I learn to have the greatest respect for single parents. I love my children. Being a parent, though, is exhausting and stressful. I'm not getting the breaks that I'm used to, so I've found myself eating instead.
I have had almost a half-gallon of ice cream, half a bag of Easter candy, multiple bowls of cereal before bed, multiple bowls of oatmeal in the morning, and lots of cheese. On top of that, I've been craving homemade cinnamon buns, but I've been smart enough to not make any because I know I would eat the whole batch.
I have done zero exercise this week. The idea of trying to take the kids for a walk is stressful to even think about.
I didn't weigh-in this week either. I've been avoiding the scale. I've even been avoiding the bathroom where the scale is.
Last night I decided to shop online for some new comfortable pants that weren't five sizes too big. When I go out, I wear jeans, but at home and want to relax, I want to wear something soft, so I've been wearing sweat pants from my pregnancy days (XL men's sizes). Even my neighbor noticed that I've slipped back into my habit of wearing baggy clothes. I'm sure it's obvious that I haven't been fixing my hair or wearing makeup and such either. I feel guilty for wearing such things when I'm just trying to relax because they make me look like a slob, and my husband does not deserve to have a slob for a wife, nor do my children deserve to have a slob for a mother. Most importantly, I deserve to feel good about myself, especially when I'm just trying to relax. So, I figured buying some new comfortable clothes would help me feel better.
I keep telling myself, "If I can just get a good night of sleep." "If I can just get thirty minutes alone." "If I can just get the house cleaned up." "If I can just get the kids ready or to bed or whatever they need to do at the time." "If I can just ..., then I'll be able to relax, and when I'm relaxed I can start to think about eating healthy and exercising again, and I'll be interested in losing weight again." I know reality doesn't work that way. Nothing will ever be completely finished. I'll never be completely relaxed because if I were it would mean that I have nothing else to do, no passion, no reason to move forward. I just need to remember how to incorporate my healthy habits into my already stressful situation. I know that logically, doing so would actually reduce the stress in the situation and make me more able to handle things.
So today, I'm going to do yoga. I'm not going to think about doing it every day this week. I'm just going to think about doing it today. Maybe tomorrow, I'll think about doing it again. For now, tomorrow is to far into the future to get myself motivated about it.
16 April 2007
Weight: 170 (lost 30 lbs.)
BMI: 31.09
I honestly don't know how I didn't gain 5 lbs. this week. I really was expecting to see 175 on the scale. Maybe calcium and green tea really do help with metabolism. There's lots of calcium in the dairy products I've been gorging on, and I'm always drinking tea. Hey, maybe I won't be afraid of my scale anymore.
After my last post, I did do a yoga session, a small session, but at least I did something. The next day I cleaned my house (which burns energy and fulfills that need to be productive at the same time). Yesterday, I did some light weight lifting (very light, I only used 3 lb. weights) and mowed the lawn. Today, I'm going to do more light weight lifting, a little yoga, and more house cleaning, and I'm going to get in some walking, but I don't know how much.
I watched some shows about aging and living longer, and that seemed to help motivate me because one of the most effective ways to stay younger longer is to exercise. I've watched family members and friends wither away as soon as they hit fifty. I've also seen family members, friends, and people in the media who are well beyond their fifties, even into their eighties, and going strong. Exercise seems to be one of the big factors in the difference between the two groups. I was going over my life plan recently and realized that if I want to do those things I plan to do in my sixties and beyond, if I'm going to not be in the group that withers away, I'm going to have to start exercising more now, and I'll definitely need to do more weight lifting, yoga, and walking.
Still 170; there's hope for me yet.
23 April 2007
Weight: 171 (lost 29 lbs.)
BMI: 31.2
I have managed to exercise this last week: yoga, weight lifting, walking, stair climbing, house cleaning, and yard work. However, it's PMS time again, and that means munchies! I've been eating far more than I normally do, but thanks to the exercise, I only gained one pound instead of three or five.
I've finally reached a place of peaceful acceptance when it comes to my monthly munchies. I no longer beat myself up for having the munchies once per month. Keeping this journal for the last sixteen months, has left me realizing that I am going to get the munchies every month and there is nothing I can do about it. On average, I gain one pound, sometimes more, during these munchies sessions. Then when the munchies are over, I lose the pound and go back to my healthy lifestyle. This last week, I decided just to embrace the munchies, eat my chocolate and those extra bowls of oatmeal (comfort food!), and exercise.
I was looking at my past journal postings today. I had been feeling a bit frustrated because I'm still fat. I'm a size 14 on a 5 foot 2 inch tall body. It's not very pretty. Things still sag and bulge, and no pair of jeans can make my butt and thighs look any less hippo-like. During the beginning of my weight loss I lost weight at a good rate, but since last summer, I've been losing very slowly.
Slow weight loss is a good thing because it's more likely that I'll maintain it, it's better than gaining weight, and it gives my body time to adjust to the new set point. My set point was around 200 when I started this new lifestyle, and now it's around 170. That's less than I weighed when I got married, but it's still too high. My current goal is to get down to 160. Perhaps if I can just focus on losing ten pounds per year I'll feel more successful. I lost about thirty pounds last year. I certainly could lose another ten this year. I just need to repeat what I did last year.
Last year, I did strength training workouts and yoga every day (30 minutes of my time). I walked every day (30 to 60 minutes of my time). So it only takes one hour per day to devote to better health. What am I currently doing with that hour? Working on my computer while sitting at a desk or on the couch. I need to go back to making that appointment with myself, that one hour appointment every morning and reminding myself that one little hour is absolutely do-able.
My husband is coming back from his business trip this week. Having him gone all this time helped me to remember that I should take advantage of opportunities to spend time alone, so I can recharge myself. I think the first thing I'm going to do when he gets home is go on a long walk by myself.
30 April 2007
Weight: 168 (lost 32 lbs.)
BMI: 30.73
Ahh, 168. I dropped 3 lbs. in one week, and it was easy. I went for three one-hour walks. I also did a one-hour step bench workout while cleaning up my Tivo list of recorded shows. I did a short pilates workout, a short yoga workout, and a short resistant band workout. I increased the amount of water I've been drinking (with a wedge of lemon or lime of course), and I've been eating smaller portions of all my favorite foods. I've also been keeping myself busy with various projects around the house and such to reduce boredom, thus reducing the desire to snack. My husband came back from his business trip on Thursday, so I had the whole weekend to relax. Unfortunately, I became ill (respiratory infection), but I've still tried to keep up. We went for a walk at Multnomah Falls and shopped at some farms in Hood River.
My walks around my own neighborhood have been the most inspiring. The weather has been beautiful, and after not getting any alone-time for the previous three weeks, I have more appreciation for taking time off to do something alone for myself. I'm looking forward to my walks again, rather than locking myself up in my house. I feel so energized and refreshed during my walks, and afterward, I feel more inspired and motivated to make the most of my day.
I've also been trying to give myself a boost by dressing more stylishly, wearing makeup daily, and fixing up my hair. It always gives me some extra motivation to lose weight when I try to look good. Strange how vanity is often a better motivator than health.
I plan to continue my current activities, so I hope I see more results this week.
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