The Need to Feel Significant
Updated November 24, 2007
We cannot stop ourselves from needing to feel significant at some level. It's a social trait that has evolved within us, and it's necessary for our survival.
Why Feeling Significant is Important
Not feeling significant causes us pain. On an emotional personal level it makes us feel unloved and rejected, causing us to fall into depression (although there are other causes of depression as well). On a more social and biological level, humans are driven to work together and rely on each other for survival, and if the other members of your species don't need you or don't think that you are important (in other words, if you aren't significant to them), then you will die because no human can survive comfortably while being completely alone. The fear of not being significant or becoming insignificant causes anxiety (although there are other causes of anxiety as well). The stress that develops can also lead to rage, alcohol and drug abuse, devious behavior, unhealthy codependency, and even suicide.
How We Achieve a Feeling of Significance
Some people were lucky enough to be raised in families where significance was acknowledged so frequently that they learned that significance had absolutely nothing to do with behaviors. No matter what they did, right or wrong, whether or not anybody or everybody knew of their existence or behaviors, they were significant. People who have been fortunate enough to be raised with such wisdom are able to achieve true fulfillment because they are not struggling with feeling significant. They already feel it inherently.
Some people grew up in opposite families. They were abused no matter how they behaved, and they learned that no matter what they did, they were never good enough, never significant.
Most people end up in families where they need to please others in order to receive acknowledgement of love and acceptance. If they do bad then they are bad. If they do good then they are good. These individuals end up trying to achieve a sense of significance through their actions. They may try to fill an important role or impress others, or they may try to dominate other people with violence or manipulation.
Related Items
Similar topics
See other Kristen's Guide topics in this category.