My Shoulds and Wants (Written 2006)
Updated on November 24, 2007
First, take a look at My Shoulds 2004 and notice how everything in life was something I felt like I was supposed to do. I focused so much on all the things I thought I should be doing (to please everyone else and hold myself to some incredibly high standards) rather than what I wanted (regardless of what other people wanted).
Two years later, my shoulds have become focused on intention rather than results. The results are things I want (i.e. my wants), but I don't believe that my wants have to happen. It would be nice if they did, but I don't have expectations about them.
I should...
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Do my best to protect my children from excessive harm. (Scrapes and bruises are a part of life, but injuries that require trips to the emergency room should be avoided. Viral infections will happen, but maintaining basic health is important. Broken hearts are inevitable, but I'll do my best to protect my children from things that might emotionally scar them for life.) It is my duty as a parent to protect my children.
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Do my best to take care of myself because in the end, I'm really the only person who will be with me for my entire life.
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Go with the flow of life and let myself experience the ride.
If I don't do my shoulds...
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My children may suffer inhumane experiences or even die.
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I may have a difficult time dealing with changes that are inevitable.
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I won't enjoy life.
I want to...
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Find balance in life and everything I do (even allow myself to do things excessively in moderation), so I have time and energy to enjoy a little bit of everything instead of feeling like I've missed out on something.
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Do the best I can whenever quality is necessary.
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Figure out or find the best answers to questions, problems, etc., but it's perfectly acceptable (and very courageous and wise) to say "I don't know" when I don't have the answer.
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Be organized, so I don't get stressed out by being in a cluttered home, not being able to find things, or forgetting things, but being too organized can be a sign of imbalance, so I don't mind being unorganized in moderation.
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Be punctual because being on-time is a sign of respect that shows people that I care about them enough to not make them wait, but sometimes tending to things with higher priorities will cause me to be late, but that's better than neglecting things with higher priorities.
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Do my best to contribute my part to have a happy marriage in which we both feel love, respected, appreciated, and desired as individuals and as a partnership.
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Do my best to contribute my part to have a happy family in which we all feel loved, respected, and appreciated, and everyone knows that we all can be honest with each other and trust each other.
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Do my best to let my children know that I will always be there to support them emotionally and help them develop into happy, responsible, wise, independent individuals who have lots of happy memories.
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Cook delicious, healthy, beautiful foods to share with everyone I love because I want them to savor life, and food is a necessary part of life.
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Surround myself and my loved ones with beautiful environments, indoors and outdoors, at home and away, because beauty makes us feel good, and I want them to feel good, so they can enjoy life.
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Appreciate all aspects of life, positive and negative, happy and sad.
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Express my emotions in ways that don't intentionally hurt others or cause me to do things I would later regret.
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Let my parents, siblings, relatives, and friends know that I love, respect, and appreciate them and am grateful for all they have done for me, and be there for them when they need me.
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Do my best to get as healthy as I can without going to unrealistic extremes.
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Make an effort to look my best on most days because I feel good when I look good. Plus, I want people to get the impression that I'm a relaxed and organized person who cares about myself.
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Help people find hope and have confidence in their own abilities and self-worth.
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Be financially responsible enough to afford the things that our family needs, splurge once in awhile on the the things that we want, and cushion ourselves from financial emergencies.
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Practice hobbies that make me feel happy and allow myself to earn an income from my hobbies if possible.
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Do my best to follow my plans to accomplish my goals but be willing to change those goals or my plans if I realize that they don't fit with my life at the time.
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Work at jobs that I enjoy and am proud to have.
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Laugh at myself and my foolishness.
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Try new things that fit with my current values.
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