Managing My Inner Critic (Written April 2004)
Updated on December 04, 2007
We all have an inner critic, a voice that tried to keep us on track by criticizing us. It is necessary to keep our actions in line with our values, but it can also get out of control and abuse us, which leads us sabotage our own dreams and goals.
These journal entries were written while I was in psychotherapy and dealing with postpartum depression / anxiety. Making peace with my inner critic required me to see the good and the bad in the critic with complete honesty, and it wasn't easy.
It is important to note that when I refer to how other people think or feel or other people' abilities, I'm not suggesting they actually think of feel or are incapable of what I write. I'm only writing what my critic is telling me, assuming that I can read their minds and emotions or predict their performance.
My Critic Is Just Trying to Help
My inner critic keeps me from being a bad mother, a bad wife, or a bad person by constantly reminding me about my past failures, making me feel guilty, and warning me about potential future failures making me feel worried.
It helped me strive to be a better person by comparing me to people who are beneath me, making me feel smarter, more attractive, and generally better than other people. It also compares me to people who are better than me, making me feel like a failure.
It helps me strive to be a better person by setting extremely high standards. It feels wonderful when I achieve them, but most of the time I fail to live up to them.
It helps me to feel like a good person by making me feel guilty for being bad. If I feel guilty about it, I must care about it, so I must be good.
It gives me hope that if I can just put enough effort in, I could be successful.
It keeps me from having to deal with painful situations by convincing me to avoid them, or it helps me to prepare for them, which eliminates the surprise.
It keeps me from getting angry and hurting someone (like my husband and kids) who will reject me if I get angry.
The Price of My Critic
My critic is so harsh that it does just as much damage as help.
I end up feeling overwhelmed.
I give up on projects because I'm afraid they won't come out perfectly, so they never get started or completed making me feel more overwhelmed.
I avoid doing things that I enjoy doing because I'm afraid of looking foolish.
I don't enjoy the things that I do because I'm too distracted by the critic in my head.
I feel like a burden to my husband because I'm not perfect, so my relationship with him is strained.
I'm straining my relationship with my older daughter and damaging her emotionally because I can't control my frustration and I end up throwing a tantrum and yelling at her.
I'm straining my relationship with my younger daughter and damaging her emotionally by being so frustrated that I'm not bonding with her.
My critic distracts me so much that I'm missing out on my kids' milestones and development.
I don't have a job or a source of income because I feel like I can't do anything well enough.
I don't have any friendships because I think that I disgust and annoy people.
I have little or no sexual interest because I feel unattractive.
I'm afraid of authority figures because I'm afraid of being judged.
I'm straining my relationship with my parents. I feel like I make them feel stupid and like failures for screwing me up because I didn't turn out perfect. I also criticize them excessively and make them feel pathetic for not taking control of their lives better.
I feel anxious whenever I have to solve a conflict, so I avoid conflict.
I can't trust anyone, professionals, family members, or friends, to do anything right, so I end up doing it myself and feeling overwhelmed and resentful.
I feel like professionals are just trying to rip you off, so I do things myself and get overwhelmed and resentful.
I worry that people are out to hurt me and my family.
I worry that good things in my life will be taken away.
I feel unworthy of the good things in my life.
Stupid Things My Critic Says, and I Believe Them
I'm a fake, and I hope that nobody finds out that I'm really a fake, a fraud. I'm a fraud because I'm not perfect. I don't know all the answers. I don't have control of everything. My plans don't always work out. I'm not always prepared for everything. I make mistakes. I forget things. I'm not organized. I'm not clean and tidy. I'm not healthy. I'm not the perfect mother. I lose my temper and throw tantrums. I get overwhelmed. I'm not a good friend. I'm selfish. I'm lazy. I'm ugly. I'm fat. I'm ditzy and stupid. I'm inexperienced. I'm just not good enough.
If they found out that I'm fake, that I'm not perfect at something, even just one thing, then they would know that they are superior to me in at least one way, so they will think they are superior in every way and will ignore the parts of me that deserve recognition. If everything about me is deemed invalid, then I will be worthless, and nobody will like me or love me, and I'll end up alone and rejected.
If I'm not a perfect wife, mother, daughter, etc. then I'm a bad person because I'm hurting them with my imperfections and scarring them for life.
Related Items
Similar topics
See other Kristen's Guide topics in this category.