Components of Anger

Updated on July 28, 2007

Anger is actually a complex emotion, even though it feels like a basic emotion. It is a combination of underlying emotions, primarily painful emotions. They all just happen so quickly that we tend not to think about them.

Shock

This is where the initial rush of adrenaline appears and the fight or flight response begins.
- "I can't believe this is happening."
Grief

Grief is the reason why some of us cry when we get angry.
- Disappointment
  - "I wanted you to do this, but you did that instead."
  - "I wanted to be in control, but I wasn't."
- Loss
  - "I had this in my life, but it was taken away."
Questioning

When we realize what happened, we immediately begin to question why it happened.
- "Why did you do that?"
- "Why did this happen?"
Assuming

This is where we have the choice to either step back and solve problems or let ourselves fall into anger. Your answers to your questions will determine whether or not you get angry. This stage is in which all of the anger prevention techniques come in.
- "I think you did that because you're selfish, and you don't care about me."
- "I think this happened because I'm stupid, and I'm always going to be stupid."
Responding

Your response is what people see when you get angry. This is the stage in which expressing anger in a safe way take priority, and doing this may require anger management techniques. There is a line between expressing your anger and hurting someone physically or psychologically. It is important to remember that the only time hurting someone is appropriate is when they are physically trying to harm you or somebody else.
- Pouting
- Yelling
- Insulting
- Threatening
- Storming off
- Throwing things
- Hitting
- Planning revenge
- Pretending anger doesn't exist