Raising Kids Who Aren't Materialistic

Updated November 24, 2007

For some reason, many parents believe that buying things for their kids is showing them love. Well, yes and no. Once in awhile, buying something your child wants shows that you pay attention to her interests and want to see her happy. Buying stuff she wants all the time just teaches her that stuff=love=happiness, and she becomes a materialistic person.

The Problem with Materialism

The problem with being materialistic is that it's only a temporary high. You get stuff, you feel good, then the novelty wears off, and you're forced to buy more stuff to get happy again.

There's also an attachment that forms with the stuff, causing the pack-rat syndrome or worse getting in the way of attachments with people. Eventually, a materialistic person may find that he/she is working harder to pay for his/her stuff (such as needing to pay for a bigger house to put all that stuff in or having to spend hours cleaning all of that stuff).

It also leads to a "I'm only successful if I have more stuff" mentality, so they begin to focus on money, earning money, and buying more stuff rather than other fulfilling things in life, and such behavior often leads to irresponsible financial habits. Their self-esteem will be destroyed if they don't have the latest and greatest (a huge blow to kids who have low-income families).

There really is more to life than more stuff, bigger stuff, better stuff, and cooler stuff, and when kids become materialistic, they begin to miss out on the true joys of life.

Help Kids Avoid Materialism

• Limit Television Commercials

  Television commercials are the big problem. Companies try to get your children to want their stuff from the moment they're born. They show kids how much fun they'll have, how happy they'll be, and how many friends they'll get by playing or owning their stuff. Reduce the number of commercials they see, and you'll reduce the "I want that" mindset every time your kid sees a commercial. You can also mute commercials and get away from the TV, record your shows and fast forward through the commercials, talk to your kids about the marketing techniques used in commercials, or watch shows that don't have commercials (including product placement advertising).

• Pay Attention to What Kids Pay Attention To

  If your child is looking at models in magazines, characters in movies, or their friends, they will be influenced by such people. They want to be those people or fit in with those people, so they'll try to do and have what those people are doing and have. If you notice that your daughter wants to wear skimpy, designer clothes because she's looking at them in magazines, or your son wants every GI Joe toy because his friends have them, it's time to talk to them about not having to follow the crowd. Yes, they'll probably roll their eyes and tell you that you don't understand, but just keep saying it, and it will eventually sink in.

• Be a Role Model

  Do you shop when you're depressed? Do you collect things because your friends collect them? Do you buy more expensive products just because of the label? Do you make many impulse purchases? Your kids copy you more than you think. If you want to have kids who aren't materialistic, you need to let go of your materialism.

• Let Your Kids Play

  Every generation of parents looks at the kids of the next generation and says something like, "When I was his age, I didn't have ...." We keep giving kids more and more stuff to amuse them rather than letting them figure out how to play on their own. They need to use their imagination, their creativity, their problem solving skills.

  Have your kids learn to play a musical instrument. Keep lots of art supplies around the house. Give your kids basic sports equipment (e.g. basketball, soccer ball, jump rope) . Give your kids open-ended toys, like blocks and a variety of dress-up clothes, which can be used for a variety of purposes, not just the one the company markets (and companies want kids to think that each toy can only be used one way because this ensures that they will have to buy a new toy if they want to play something else). Instead of buying kid-sized kitchens and grocery stores, give them some cabinets, shelves, cardboard boxes, and some art supplies and have them make their own. Let them play games or solve puzzles or make their own games and puzzles.

• Play With Your Kids

  Playing with your kids builds self-esteem and shows them that you know how to have fun too. Make up stories together, sing songs, wrestle on the living room floor, do crafts together, play sports and games together, make music or sing together. Playing with your kids will produce some of the best memories for all of you.

• Get Outside

  Camping, hiking, exploring nature, outdoor sports, riding bikes, skating, walking, swimming, gardening, or anything else that involves paying attention to the world around them will teach them how to have fun without having to buy lots of expensive items.

• Get Cultured

  Visit art museums, children's museums, science museums, history museums, historical places, theaters (not just movie theaters), gardens, and any other place that allows your kids to see what other people do with their free time.

• Quality Time

  It's become one of the latest buzz phrases, "quality time," but it really does make a difference. Dedicate some time to your children every day. Try to have at least one special time with each child every week. Aim for at least 30 minutes for quality time. Start family traditions, like eating dinner together, a big Sunday brunch, and bedtime stories to let your kids know that you value your time with them and won't let other things (except major emergencies) come in the way of your time with them. They'll feel more loved and will be less likely to look for love by gathering stuff.

• Volunteer With Your Kids

  Spend some time around people who have very little, and your kids will discover how rich they really are. Try to find food banks, homeless shelters, or other organizations that help low- or no-income families.

• Donate Your Stuff

  I don't recommend forcing a child to donate his stuff, but you can set an example by donating your own stuff to a charity, like Goodwill, and explaining why you are doing it. Then let your child know that he can donate stuff too if he wants to. This will help your kids realize that objects are just objects (most of the time, sentimental objects are fine too), and attachments to stuff can easily be broken to let other people enjoy those items.

• Make Gifts Instead of Buying Them

  I know we've all heard that something you make yourself is better than something you buy, and remind ourselves of this when we get a crochet toaster cover instead of the store-bought toaster that's attractive enough to not need a cover. However, if you take time to really pay attention to what other people are interested in or need, you can create wonderful gifts that will be appreciated as well as meaningful.

• Teach Kids About the Environment

  When you kids learn about the environment, they learn about resources (we cut down forests for wood and pollute the air and water with fossil fuels for plastic, so you could have your toy) and waste (which landfill or incinerator will your stuff end up in when it has no use anymore). Teach kids to reduce consumption to help protect the environment.