Happy Parents, Happy Kids
Updated July 28, 2007
If you are a happy parent, you'll have a much better chance of having happier kids, both now and in the long run. This isn't guaranteed, but it will increase your chances.
Happiness is Important
If you are generally unhappy, your kids will feel it. Kids automatically blame themselves for just about everything, so they will inevitably begin to blame themselves for your unhappiness, even if they had nothing to do with it.
An unhappy parent is also a stressed out parent, and stress leads to other problems. Stress can cause health problems, and you won't be doing a very good job of parenting if you kill yourself with a stress related illness and aren't around to parent your children. Stress also builds into frustration, resentment, and anger, which can all result in saying or doing things we later regret. Such things are often the source of low self-esteem in children, and I'm quite certain you don't want your child to grow up with low self-esteem.
You're also teaching your children lessons with everything you do. If you go through life allowing yourself to be unhappy, you're teaching your children that it's ok for them to go through life allowing themselves to be unhappy. I've yet to meet a parent who is fine with the thought that their kids are unhappy or should settle for being unhappy most of the time.
Don't Be Stupid
Being a happy parent does not mean you get to be a selfish parent. You do not get to give up the responsibility of taking care of your children's needs. You do not get to dump your child off with a stranger, even if they are a professional caretaker, so you can go out and party (make sure you research caretakers well, watch how they interact with your child, and talk to your child frequently about what happens when they are with the caretaker). You do not get to turn off your cell phone when your child is being taken care of by somebody else, even if you know that somebody else very well and trust him/her completely. You do not get to indulge in excessive drinking or drug use, which may impair your ability to help your child if there is an emergency and in some cases land you in jail. You do not get to do things that are risky, like having unprotected sex with somebody other than your spouse / life-partner, going on wild, dangerous adventures just to say you did it or relive the stupidity of your youth. You do not get to engage in illegal activity.
You're a parent. You're an adult. Act like one. A very vulnerable, innocent child is depending on you.
Responsible Happiness
Now that you are whining "ahh, no fun" after seeing examples of what you can't do...
Find time to indulge in things that make you happy and still let you be a responsible parent. Find new hobbies. Make new friends. Strengthen relationships with old friends. Take time every week to go out and do something fun without your kids. Take time every day to do something you love away from the kids, or at least let your partner watch them, go to another room, and shut the door for 30 minutes to an hour. Just make sure that your choice of activity won't result in anything that you may regret.
When you realize that you are important enough to spend some time focusing on your sanity, you'll be a better parent, so if you're having a hard time having non-kid fun for yourself, do it for your kids. (Mommy's going to the scrapbooking club, so I'll be a better mommy for you when I get back.)
Finding Happiness
Balance! Do not try to focus on your children 100% of the time (but do be aware of where they are and what they are doing at all times; it takes practice). Do not try to focus on your own happiness 100% of the time (sometimes we must set aside our own wants for more important things). Do not try to focus on work, chores, projects, etc. 100% of the time (they're usually less important than you think). You only have a limited number of hours in the day, and you need to portion them out as necessary.
Sleep for 8 hours. (Don't even think of trying to cut back on this.)
Spend 1 hour doing something for yourself. (Make yourself happy.)
Spend 1 hour doing something for your marriage / partnership. (Make the core of your family happy. Try a date night once a week if you can.)
Spend 1 hour doing something for your entire family. (Game night anyone? How about a game of basketball? Craft night is always fun.)
Spend 30 minutes exercising. (You can exercise with the whole family or use your exercise time as "something for yourself" time.)
Spend 30 minutes cooking healthy meals instead of buying fast foods. (Yes, you can actually cook an entire day's worth of food in 30 minutes and pack a lunch for the next day if you can multitask, but just focus on getting one healthy meal in there.)
Now you have 12 hours left. If you're employed, you'll probably end up spending those hours working, commuting, etc. If you're not employed, you get to spend that time focusing on your children, home, etc.
Just remember that you must choose how you spend your time wisely. Once an hour is gone, you won't get it back.
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